That's awesome! He totally could have bolted but he decided to stay and chat. It is very obvious that he misses your company! All that dim/dark stuff is paying off for you. Now just be sure to pull back, don't jump all over him (well you already did that. . .hehe) and scare him back into the cave!
I struggled/struggle with this because I get a little "nibble" (wow gutter ball mind. . .need to go to bed. . .) and I get too excited and think everything is fine now, lets get back together! But it's a trap. You gotta play it cool!
Congrats though honey! You're hard work is paying off!
I wouldn't worry about going against DB and initiating! I think sometimes we need to make those bold moves to get a better insight into the DAM mindset. Glad it paid off for you!
ML, long conversation, laying in the bed together, all sounds good!
Tell me, because I'm not too familiar with your sitch, where are things now? What did your H say when he left, is there a specific period of time for which this sep is supposed to last? Has he said he still wants to work on things?
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Thanks Julia, ITH & Daisy!!!! I did have a bit of a glow this morning!!
Daisy - Oh I know!! After a night like that it is sooo hard to pull back but that is what I have to do. As much as it make me want to push for more I know that it will send him back into hiding.
ITH - When H left it was not on good terms. There was no talk about what was going to happen. He did say that he didn't think we could be married and there was no way to fix our R. He was very confused about everything and said ILYBNILWY. Then the next day he would ask how to fix it and he was scared. He obviouslty decided that he had to leave which some of it was my fault because I was pretty harsh on him during this time because I was hurt and it was before I discovered DR . When he was actually leaving I told him this might be the biggest mistake of his life and he looked at me with tears and said "You're right, it probably is".
JCJ - Thank you! I do feel that it went very well and I am making sure I go dark again. Actually I have no choice right now because my cell was turned off so I can't text him until I get paid next week!! LoL.
Do you feel like progress has been made? Do you have a solutions journal, list of goals etc.?
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
I do feel that there has been progress. At first when he left whenever we talked it was an argument. There was alot of tension and we were unable to have a civil conversation. Now he texts me for misc things and we are having longer and longer conversations. At first also he had a problem looking at me when he talked to me. Now he at least looks at me while talking to me. Some of my goals where longer convos, more contact from him and some signs of affection which were all met last night. I know we are still in stage 1 and have a looong way to go but I am finally feeling positive about the progress.
Do you talk to a DB coach too? Why do you think you're still in stage 1 and not stage 2? The difference between these 2 stages confuses me still...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
No I don't have a DB Coach. It's not in the budget I wish I could afford it right now. Hopefully soon. I'm not certain about the stages either..lol. I just assume that I am in the lowest stage!!
Pisces told me that getting from stage 1-stage 2 takes the longest amount of time. Once you're in stage 2 in a way it's on the road to reconciliation as you are friends again and can talk and do things together. I think with stage 1, there is limited contact, it's often business contact, and there is still a lot of negativity. Do you feel like there is still negativity in your sitch?
Could you call your H at any time and ask him to casually join you to do something?
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
There is no more negativity (that I am aware of) but I am not sure that we are comfortable enough to do things together yet. I have not suggested as I am too scared that at this point he might get scared and run away...lol. We are chatting more about non-business things so maybe we are at the ending of stage 1 and hopefully the begining of 2. Stage 1.75!!
. When he was actually leaving I told him this might be the biggest mistake of his life and he looked at me with tears and said "You're right, it probably is".