5 weeks remain til next chapter starts

[istherehope]

Hi JCJ,

Thanks...

OK, the postives from the call and what I did to bring them about:

1) Before the session started he said he might come visit me in Poland in a few weeks, completely unprompted by me. What brought this about from my perspective was that I adhered to my agreement to let H take the lead on seeing me.
2) H said that I have changed completely, and am much more pleasant to be around, more open, more positive. What brought this about was me choosing to make changes to certain parts of myself.
3)H said that he wanted these calls every 2 weeks not every 3, that they are important. Maybe he said this because I'd offered to push them out?
4)H said that he has had enough down time, and doesn't really need it now (this good because it shows coming out of depression). This was not me directly except for me leaving Dublin.
5) H asked me to text him when I got home as it was 11 PM when I left the office.
6)H asked was there not anything more I wanted to talk about as he'd done most of the talking. I brought this about by only listening and validating when possible.

You are definitely right that my marriage is worth this. I just need to play it very cool so that H does not feel pressured and compelled to make a decision.

The things that I've done that have worked I'd say would be validating, complimenting, really listening, not rising to the bait on arguments, and letting him initiate contact.

I am trying not to feel hopeless. One thing toward this was to use my solutions journal. I did have a few baby-step goals met on last night's call, actually 4, that H would ask about Poland, that he would say I had not been pressuring, that he would say communicatons had been pleasant, and that he would notice my changes. The other thing I can do to stay positive is to work on a plan with Jody. I'm very thankful that we're talking tonight.

Thanks for posting. I was feeling pretty lost...

ITH