W and I went to a Stevie Wonder concert, a fantastic gig and we both enjoyed it very much. W commented on how much she enjoys the two of us going to such events. Something I noticed is that when we go to events like this W likes us to dress very smart she wants us to stand out rather than look scruffy. As we walk through the crowds she likes me to hold her hand and lead the way, that in someway is telling something.
FIL went into hospital for his operation, the surgery was classed as intermediate not major intrusion as they were able to remove the pea sized tumour and part of the surrounding lung area through key hole sized incisions. The operation was a success and 3 days later he's back home to recuperate and prepare for some chemotherapy. Modern medical procedures never cease to amaze me.
Our 11th Anniversary was on the 13th, W and I exchanged cards, I can't remember the last time we did this, last years even passed unnoticed this year we at least made the effort. W asked what I had planned for the evening, but unfortunately I had nothing planned as she was going to be at the hospital with FIL we both knew this but I think she was just checking to see if I had gone above and beyond the call of duty. Anyway before bed we enjoyed a glass of wine together, however I think I annoyed her cos I tried to initiate some intimacy but she wasn't interested and it took me a while to taker the hint. I indirectly mentioned this in the morning and she said she was stressed about FIL and his op and the fact that she's been staying with her parents 6 weeks now with no end in sight when the original plan was just to be there 3 weeks.
Overall things are ok, W and I are both stressed but stressed for different reasons my main stress is money. But I'm also a bit concerned about intimacy, or lack of it, but more so cos we don't talk about it and about our needs. If I was to be blunt I know W is far more into sex then she ever shows to me and I find this little frustrating. I think I'll give this a bit more time before trying talking to about it, but I fear if we don't get an understanding of each others needs we'll end up in another SSM.
I have to say, seeing some of the threads in piercing, it seems even once you get to this stage, it's still a long way to go and that frightens me. Massive respect to you all in here, you are very patient people.
Even though we get to piecing the work never stops, take your eye off the ball and very quickly you're back to square one. Sometimes I feels like theres a whole arsenal of bombs stored waiting to be dropped, but if I keep working they stayed stored.
Nuff respect to you cos I still have a feeling I'll be seeing you over here. I'll update more on me later, computer time is getting a bit more difficult at the moment.
I've not posted for a while and normally when I do I start with W and I getting on fine, which in the main we are but last night something changed. W came into the room and verbally attacked me alien style. What I had done was to leave my winter coats in the garage while the building work had been going on and the builder has stacked some building material on them. W ranted on at me for not taking care of my things and then went on to say that I'm not taking care of my personal appearance and the only time I try to look good is when I put on my sports gear to go to the gym. WTF, my sports gear is 2 - 3 years old and I wouldn't say I go out of my way to look good at the gym neither would I say my appearance has become scruffy. I know my W style of arguing and she'll always throw something unconnected in from left field to try strengthen her original point. W did apologise later for having a go at me, which is something she doesn't usually do.
A couple of things here, what W sees is what W sees, so if she does see me looking scruffy in the day and smart for the gym then that's how it will appear to her, I can't change that. All I can do is go back to basics, listen to what I hear then act upon it. Also my gut instinct tells me there are outside forces at work which have triggered W latest behaviour, I have no evidence, don't need to snoop, I just have this feeling. I suppose whatever it is it will eventually come out. W has also recently agued with and fallen out with MIL, her b/f, my b/f wife so there's something definitely going on with her.
Work on the house is progressing slowly, there is less dust around so W has moved back in, she has exchanged the stress of living back at home with MIL to living with me.
Plans for our trip to Barcelona have changed it's no longer a romantic break for 2, as we are now taking D7 with us. There are a number of reasons for this but I am ok with it.
I just spoke to W on the phone today all is ok but I now know the alien lurks not far away. So I think top of the list for action is to do some work on me to stop the appearance of complacency setting in which in turn will unleash the alien.
Wondered where you'd gone. Jees you got some serious patience dude. If you get through this and it becomes and incredibly strong happy marriage my word you will deserve it.
Gald your taking things in your stride and these little reminders that it's not done yet. Your right not to try and figure her out as always as it always does come out and sometimes you can be so way off, it's not worth it. At this point, you have nothing to gain by snopping.
Does she know you know she has fallen out with those people ? If so, could you gently ask her about it ? She could be waiting and in state due to arguments with them people ?
Hang in there Lan, you are the most patient person i've read about on these boards.
Does she know you know she has fallen out with those people ? If so, could you gently ask her about it ? She could be waiting and in state due to arguments with them people ?
W knows I know about all of these arguments, in fact W revels in confrontation and arguments and she loves to tell me how she got the upper hand over someone or was able to slap them down in an argument.
Patience is patience and everyone has a limit, if I was to have given up I probably should have done it before we got married 11 years ago. Any way no point in thinking about missed opportunities.
Does she know you know she has fallen out with those people ? If so, could you gently ask her about it ? She could be waiting and in state due to arguments with them people ?
W knows I know about all of these arguments, in fact W revels in confrontation and arguments and she loves to tell me how she got the upper hand over someone or was able to slap them down in an argument.
Patience is patience and everyone has a limit, if I was to have given up I probably should have done it before we got married 11 years ago. Any way no point in thinking about missed opportunities.
Lan
Are you saying she was pretty wild when you got married but you still did ?
If so, I look back and think the same thing. The thing is, we had this wonderful relationship, totally in love with one another and the arguments always seems real petty to me. Maybe you were like that ???
I was a little bit tounge in cheek with my previous response.
My W could be described as headstrong, stubborn, childish, spoil all the sort of traits that you hope that one day they'll grow out of. She hasn't and she's very proud of her stubborn streak, and her willingness to take on an argument.
At face value she's very kind and loving, but she has this nasty streak which I used to see her turn on others and since then bomb it has been unleashed on me. At 44 she still got some maturing to do but thats her job, I can only watch and observe.
PS
You commented on how paitent you think I am, well just keep a track of your own sitch and you'll see that you will become a more than patient person given time.
As I began reading your post, I thought that all wives give their husbands the gears once in a while regarding stuff like this. Then you mentionned that W had arguments with several people (same as my sitch), followed by the appearance issue (same as my sitch). The only thing I am saying is do not underestimate your gut feeling. We have been at his for longer than i would like to admit and part of the process is to have the antenae way up. I am not really sure about bringing D7 along with you to Barcelona. That changes the whole dynamic of the vacation. However, if you are ok. with it..... Keep the faith.....like rthur mentions above, if this works out you will have earned it my friend.
