I didn't sleep at all last night. I know, work on me. I just don't want to be here anymore is my biggest problem. Why does it seem as though the more I DB the more he pulls away from me?
The thing that will keep me sane today is that I have an individual session with Jody tonight. I really hope she has an action plan for me.
About the Poland trip, I think it would be huge if it happened,as 2 nights together would really make a big difference, but he can't even give me a date for this and I certainly am not going to bring it up again. I need to go to the US for a biz trip too and am contemplating taking some vacation while there but part of me thinks I should just get back to the house ASAP and not leave him to stew anymore. He is afraid of me for no reason now!
Also, I am pretty upset the more I think about it the way he kept saying things like how I am so much more positive and used to be cynical. I know what my issues were and this wasn't one! I was SO loving too and did so many nice things that he has not mentioned once. It's all venom and bile and I caused all this damage. For someone doing so much self-reflection, a little bit of owning up would have been good.
I also feel like he isn't up front on the sessions about everything, saying I was like an old friend, omitting the fact that we had sex, saying all our conversations were business related when the day before he'd asked me about my work, sent me a link to a news article etc. I am going to see if Jody has any suggestions for how to get out of doing these sessions going forward. Yuck, I don't know how to make myself feel better :(.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
