Just lost a mammoth post... now I will try to recreate!

OK, B called! I told him a couple things that were going on with me--the memorial concert I played on Sunday, and about my new tutoring student who is the former chief of police. He got a call he needed to take, so I very openly let him get off the phone.

He called back maybe 20 minutes later and told me he had been offered an opportunity to work with one of the greatest sopranos alive and one of my favorite composers but wasn't sure if he should take it. He said, "I'd just like to talk through this because I really don't know what I should do," and I said, Go ahead!! He went through a bunch of the pros and cons. He is a violinist first and has done viola in the past. The gig is really a viola gig and he was excited at the prospect of busting his butt to try to pull it off and taking such a big risk. After a while I asked him if he wanted to hear my thoughts, which were:

-if you're getting calls to do stuff like this now, you will continue to get calls like this later, as long as you don't do anything that makes people not want to work with you [unspoken: like agreeing to do something you're not sure you can do well]

and he said, yes! you're right, it's a risk not just with this gig, but also with my future.

I also pointed out that if he thought about the greater good, maybe the project leaders would rather work with someone who had different strengths. And asked if he could choose from multiple ways to introduce himself to these great artists as a potential collaborator, would he choose this one?

Then he talked at length about how he would say no.. would he just say, "No, I'm too busy," or something more honest like "No, I don't feel qualified." He decided to just say "no I'm too busy". He actually said something like, "Maybe I don't need to tell the person who called me everything... it's not like they know me and understand me like you do." Or something like that. Nice.

At several points in the conversation he asked, "do you have any more thoughts?" \:\) I was really careful to try to listen listen listen and not interrupt. My feedback was a lot more open ended than before, I think in the past I would have just said, "I don't think you should do it because I'm scared you won't be able to pull it off and it will hurt your career" instead of approaching it more philosophically and trusting-ly as I did today.

Then he asked, "Do you remember how X [this musician he is now working with] was such a jerk when we met him a while ago?" [THIs MIGHT BE THE FIRST "WE" SIGHTING] And then he told me that when we met X, B now has learned, that X had just been kicked out of his ensemble, and decided to leave a destructive relationship, [VERY INTERESTING CHOICE OF TOPIC, B] went into therapy, lost some weight, and started trying to be kinder to everyone around him. B started detailing some of X's personality quirks. I mostly just listened and made monosyllabic encouraging listening noises.

I told him I had a tutoring student coming over in a few minutes and asked him if I should call back when I was finished (since the conversation was mostly him talking, I wanted to be clear I was open to more of that). He said tomorrow would be better and that he "really wanted to hear about my search for a new cello." I told him I would love to get his opinion because I was sort of confused, and then we talked about times that he would be available tomorrow. Without going into detail about my schedule (I'm busy when he's free, except for late) I told him laughingly that I would try my best. He thanked me for being a sounding board and I said, "anytime, anytime." We very comfortably got off the phone.

The second call was at least 40 minutes, the first one 10-20 minutes.

it felt like the man I remember.

I wasn't looking for this, but I think having B turn to me for help sorting through a dilemma is DEFINITELY a baby step, as is him initiating any kind of lengthy phone conversation.

He also sent me a link to the concert he played last week. (While we were on the phone: B: "Did I send you a link? No? I'll send you a link.")

So... what's next, lovely friends??

oh. one more thing. I talked to my mom tonight, and apparently she discussed my last lunch interaction with B with her BFF. I feel loved. I didn't know she gossiped about me with her girlfriends!! \:\)

Sorry this is sooooooOOOO long, thank you to anyone who actually read though all of this!!!

LOVELOVELOVE
(((EVERYONE)))
T