Tough couple of days for you. I wish I could offer some miracle advice or help to get you through this. But both you and I believe in the same God. And when I read your posts, I see God working in your life and even your marriage. It's almost like you are being purified right now. You've grown into such a patient, loving father. Your kids adore you and undoubtedly see that strength. And you can't deny that things like your wife accidentally getting stuck at church or her mom's untimely passing might actually be part of His bigger plan to give her a dose of reality. I'm not trying to read too much into all this or predict the future. I'm not that smart. I only know that there is a God and I'm definitely not Him. I just know in my case, much of the bitterness towards my W has faded and I'd even welcome my prodigal home as crazy as that sounds. That forgiveness isn't mine. If I had my way, I would've found a way to keep her hurting as much as I have hurt over this past year. But at the end of the day, its not MY way, but His way!
You never know what could happen with your WAM(w). For your children's sake, I hope that she does come out of this fog. And for your sake too. There are some undeniably hopeful signs that you've written about even if it is too confusing and painful. At the very least you'll have someone to co-parent with. At the very best, the woman you love might actually emerge from the darkness that she's allowed herself to be trapped in. This sounds crazy but if the goal of a marriage is to get your partner to heaven, her unfaithfulness might have been your springboard to sainthood! A gift that you could never thank your W enough...
