I'm kind of hunkered down at the moment. I've had a 'nother long phone conversation and spent about 4 hours with H yesterday since my last post. It has been stressful--I actually couldn't face going into work yesterday. I've had two long conversation/cries with my mom (thank god for my mom).
Why the hunkerdownism?
I think the possible chemical imbalance, plus H's insistence that he wants to file 'this week'--(I told him to go ahead and do it, as I've told him before) plus him being naughty or nice at random intervals has me completely thrown and stressed out.
For example, H yelled (with feeling) that "our marriage is a bear trap on his foot" on the phone...and then when he was over yesterday tried to take it back--saying he meant the filing process was a bear trap on his foot (uh-huh), and wanted to hug on me and be all sweet and bring me dinner. This is the pattern--extreme anger vs. sweet flirting & kindness, extreme anger vs. self-depreciation and crying.
The fact that he MIGHT be ill has me caught up in it again, and so I'm struggling.
I love him--if he's ill and not just an a-hole, that matters.
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
