The Longest Journey, 2

[SDFoundGirl]

Things are good. I don't know exactly what helped me shift, but I have definitely shifted. I am, essentially, suspending disbelief.

Since I have been more relaxed and playful, H has been more relaxed and playful. We are having fun together for possibly the first time in our M. I've realized that my playful, goofy nature is a major thing I bring to our M; H needs more of that in his ever so responsible life.

H has also been supportive when I've needed it (the first couple of weeks back to school/teaching are always flattening), and he's asked for help and support when he's needed it (which NEVER happened before). We are communicating, checking things out with each other, and having more fun.

Jeff...I hear what you are saying, but I'm wondering IF you could go back now, would you change having children? Even knowing the outcome? The reality for me is that I am 39, had trouble conceiving when we did try, and I want to be a mom. Honestly...it's probably the first time H and I REALLY want to have a child together. It's like we've jumped a hurdle together, and now we can do it.

Strangely, though, I feel less urgency and less of a power struggle now that I've let go of a lot of stuff. I feel pretty clear that H has no real interest in LW. I feel like I can let go and risk hurt again...and that I will be okay no matter what.

Time will only tell...

SD