I actually avaoided a confrontation tonight and walked away when she wanted to have a discussion. Its a little step...but I have to start someplace.
Well maybe it's not so little a step depending where you are in your journey. The thing is that by doing this you really made things easier on yourself and stopped her from draggin you into her drama.
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You are right, I blame myself for alot....but I did not realize how bad it really was. I tried to help her, but I think she has been gone for so long, no matter what I did, it wouldn't have helped.
Gosh, I only said that you blame yourself because in the beginning we all buy into their propaganda and believe that if we had done something or other differently that this wouldn't have happened. Well guess what? That's not true either. This was never about us, not really. You're right though, they are gone emotionally a longtime before we ever know anything. That's why it's so much easier for them to build that wall so high while we're still so raw.
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I will need to let her figure thngs out on her own and force her to handle life by herself. I enabled her for a long time and tried to do what was right. Unfortunately, she relied on me too much which then then would become to resent.
I remember reading that we all go into our marriages on an even plain. Jobs soon become designated as well as the role that we play in the marriage. Sometime our roles are not what we would have picked for ourselves but we take them because 1 of us has to and maybe it's even expected.
Have you read, "Co-dependent No More"? I did and up until then I hadn't even realized that I was one!
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After a certain point, she felt she had no choice but to leave. Of course it was her choice.....and now she must deal with the consequences.
See this is what I no longer buy. We all have a choice. Some of us choose to face the problem and some of us choose to run, and yes, there are consequence to running!
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I will continue to focus on me and the kids. I keep hoping for a better day tomorrow. I am trying to keep busy and do things everyday to keep my mind occupied. Its tough....but I have no choice.
Yes keeping busy is a God send. As long as I was busy, and my mind was occupied, I was probably as close to feeling some peace as you can feel when you go through this.
Being with our children is the best of course. Their love is not only unconditional, but they also show us that even with all of the pain, it was all worth it. They were worth it. WE ARE WORTH IT!
