I am new to this so please forgive any mis steps but I need some perspective on my situation. Which is:
H and I separated in 2007 after a year of really struggling with our marriage. We had been married 4 years and had 2 small kids and had lost our ability to communicate and truly did not like each other. After my h telling me again that he wasnt sure if he wanted to be married I told him that I wanted him to move out and he did. He bought the big screen tv and had himself a nice little bachelor pad.
During the separation we were still together all of the time and he left each night after the kids went to sleep becuase we did not want to tell them what was going on until we knew for sure.
In June of 2007 after H telling me again that he still wasn't sure what he wanted and he did not think he loved me I filed for divorce.
During the 6 months before our divorce was final multiple times I begged him to come home and try and work on our marrieage - I was panicking because the realization of what was happening was hitting me... he said no way - he was done. During this time we still saw each other often and still had a physical relationship.
In December 2007 our divorce was final and I thought okay this is over and I need to get a life. Little by little I started to get happier with myself and the situation. Little by little H became more interested in me - compliments, etc. I thought he was just beign nice.
In May 2008 I met a wonderful guy. I was in a good palce and ready to move on. H and I hadn't slept together in about a month but he was being very touchy feely with me so shortly after I met the new guy I told H that I was starting to see someone else and that I needed him to respect that and to stop the physical advances.
Well he freaked out!!!! He called me a whore and said he could not believe that I would date someone else - didnt I know that he wanted me back. HUH? Um no I didnt.
So the past 4 months has been a nightmare. Ex H has been begging me to come back, crying, telling me that he was so wrong to let me go, apologizing, etc.... meanwhile my new guy lives 2000 miles away but we have managed to spend a lot of time together over the past months and I am really falling for him.
My problem is that I want nothing more than to go back to my H and work things out but I just dont feel like I can because I dont love him any more. Too much water under the bridge. I wish with all my heart I felt differently but I dont. He tells me I am throwing away my family for a stranger and it gets to me because I dont want to ruin my kids lfe but I also dont want to be married to someone I dont love.
He also says that I am in the gaga new stage of a new relationship and that marriage is hard work and if I would just give up this new guy and concentrate on fixing our marriage we might have a chance. Part of me thinks he is right but I don't want to give up a great guy and always wonder what if.....but I also dont want to walk away from my ex H and wonder what if....
Any insight would be much appreciated....
W - 40 H - 46 D - 5 D - 3 married 5 years divorced 9 motnhs
