Please help me to not give up............

[grant]

Thanks Puppy,

I don't think I have anything to lose in my posting here.

I don't believe I have ever written anything derogatory about her, other than to describe the situations and behaviour that has arisen. I thank you for the validation, and though on the face of it, things don't seem to working as I would like, I realise the enormous value of patience and perseverance.

I won't give up 20 years of marriage after 6 months of separation, no matter how much it hurts. Not yet anyway.........It will change if she files, but until then I will pursue every avenue I can by focusing on me and working to be a better Dad, and a better person. I will continue with my C, as I know that is most definitely for "me".

Perhaps it is true that she doesn't want to take any responsibility for her EA, but she's clear that she feels it's none of my business as we're separated.

Also that if anything was going to happen between them, it would have occurred when OM left his W.

My W does not see her R with OM as an affair, as her definition of that is sexual in its nature. She has always justified it as "just talking" and "friends".

I think we both know that this is still an inappropriate relationship, as we are still legally married. Just as my online affair was wrong and inappropriate.

But as I hold no sway over who she sees or talks to, any pressurising or further snooping on my part can only serve to push her further away. Perhaps not necessarily toward OM, but further away from me.

I am a good and worthwhile person, but I have so many amends to make, and if time is really on your side in these situations, I must be careful to take that time and try to use it in the best way I can. ie by concentrating on the things that I CAN change, and not the things I cannot.

For me, it's truly wonderful to have people post their thoughts and experiences, because it does help to see things in a different way, and can open doors and avoid the same old pitfalls.

Thanks again Puppy.

Grant