My last thread...Trying not to count my chickens!

sh, peace and glam-
Thanks again for your encouragement.

For anyone out there that doesn't know my sitch, here is the Reader's Digest version...

My H dropped the bomb almost 19 months ago. He said he felt empty inside and he had nothing left to give (still no known OW). I found the DB site a month or so after he moved out. Until that time (even after), I did everything wrong...cried, pleaded and pushed. The more I did, the angrier he got. He got so angry, he filed for a D in August of last year but could never have me served. When I finally started to back off, he started to cycle. There were many touch and goes and I can't tell you how exasperating it all was for me. About April, he was cycling less and coming around a bit more but my frustration was getting to me. I told my H that he either need to go to C with me or we needed to proceed with the D. He choose to go to C. Fast forward to now, we are still in C...he still is not home but I believe that we are working toward him moving back. On Monday, there was a court date for the D(the 4th court date...but he continued all of the previous) and my H didn't show for it so the D is dismissed.

This has been such a slooooow process for my H. He still blames me for a lot of issues in our M but he has been trying to understand that he is to blame as well. He also acknowledges that we really didn't have a lot of problems in our M...go figure! I am understanding that my H stuffed a lot of his feelings in our M. I have hopes that we will have stronger M after going through this...but I know there is still so much for us to work through and I know it isn't going to be an easy transition when he decides to come home.

When I started this journey 19 months ago, I thought there was no way that this would take this long. I thought my H would be different. I eventually gave in to the thought that my H wasn't coming back. I eventually learned (most of the time) to have no expectations. Now, I am feeling like I just could be one of the lucky ones whose spouse figured things out before it is too late. Hopefully I haven't jinxed anything by saying that.

I know I still need to keep my expectations low or even at zero...it is just hard to not think that my H and I will be together again someday.