I'm hardly the DB Master yet, BUT for the last 3 weeks or so I have not initiated contact at all unless there was a very important reason, e.g. sending a birthday email or asking H to transfer money. I hated doing this at first, but it's slowly begun to pay off I think. As you will remember from my own sitch, I have been getting more pleasantries in the contact we do have, less simply "how much money do we have for groceries", and more things like how am I doing, how is my job etc. I REALLY think this gives them the space to not feel obligated to contact you, if that makes sense. When they don't feel obligated, and they reach out anyway, I think it is much more meaningful to both them and us. THEY get to realize that maybe they do miss you, and maybe they do want to talk to you, and maybe you are doing your own thing. We get to realize that we have some control in the situation still, control over own actions even if we still don't have control over our feelings, and then the contact, when it does happen, is like a gift and not an obligation. I also agree that if something feels very uncomfortable when you are doing it, it is probably worth trying :).
Going dark/dim does NOT feel comfortable, nor do most of our 180s I'd bet. I think this seems to be the sign that they are right, battling against our gut instincts and using our heads instead of our hearts...
Hope you are doing well today!
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
