Hello everyone, Sorry to disappear, too much to deal with in just a days time. D11 came home from school yesterday afternoon with homework in every subject, which set her off , screaming , crying, pounding her fists, calling herself a "moron" and screaming "I feel like I want to kill myself!" She is trying so hard to keep up in the regular classroom (she is hearing impaired and ADD) so she doesnt have to go back to the "special classroom" I had to give her cool down time and then gently explained how it makes me worried and sad to see her so angry and to hear her say things like she did. Told her I wanted to help and we would talk with teacher. Told her I want to see her try her best, but if some things are left undone, it is OK, as long as she was trying. That night, putting her to bed, she confided in me when she stayed at H house this weekend, she went to H bedroom because she couldnt sleep and found OW sleeping in his bed with him. She said she was very upset and brothers dont know about it. I was afraid of this. I cannot believe the nerve! Its bad enough I cant get that image out of my mind, but my D11 has to be haunted with it! WHAT DOES HE THINK HE"S DOING!!!!???

Well, back up from bedtime back to homework time. My MIL called to check on us DURING that fiasco. My MIL is very unstable person -agressive, controlling, overly sensitive. Its been a roller coaster ride our whole marriage and my H's whole life: and my H has never been close with her, so when she pulls anything, H has always stood firm on my side. She has been especially hurt and angry since H left me. He does not visit or call his parents at all since he left. Ive spoken with her on a few occasions, some actual decent heart to heart conversations, but she still finds a way to blame and criticize.You cannot defend yourself, because she is so defensive.Our children have confided in us that they do not like her and are very unhappy anytime they are there to visit.She has never been especially "loving" which is why I think H is VERY sensitive to lack of affection. She sent email to give kids saying they missed grandparents day and she waited all day and night for them to call. It was very angry, sarcastic email, complete with a "lovie dovie" poem about grandparents.So when she called today complaining noone calls, including the grandkids, I calmly apologized for not looking at calendar closely, and acknowledged her hurt , but told her I didnt appreciate email- kids dont deserve an angry guilt trip. So she started yelling at me saying I was just like H - dont call , dont visit. "its like me and dad(FIL) dont even exist!"

Too much $@%! to deal with in one day. Immediately called H - told him story and said were dealing with enugh, must take care of MIL. Insisted we both sit and talk with her. Had long conversation - H backs me 100%, but I couldnt help but shake my head to myself when he talks about his mother's behavior "alienating her whole family". But told H I appreciated his support in this matter - "it really means alot to me". H called his mom ,but said she refuses to talk to us and hung up on him also. This is just too much. How much can one person take?
I guess if anything good came out of that incident is was the opportunity for H and I to talk "heart to heart".

hope3343- thank you for reply.I have my 2nd coachbusting session tommorrow with Vernetta.You bring up my depression. Yes, I do regret keeping that from my H. It is sad I felt I couldnt confide in him- I was so ashamed and afraid he would take it personally - as if HE was the cause of it. Vernetta even acknowledged my lack of communication , saying I didnt need to be afraid he would take it personally, because he was already feeling that way anyway. H did comment to me at one point that if I'd told him about it we probably wouldnt be where we are at right now. Although I do partly agree with that, I also felt like that comment was just an excuse for more blame. Just after he left I apologized for keeping it secret from him and told him how much I needed his support, and how much I wanted to help and support him ( after he confessed to his escallating drinking and recent nicotine addiction), but he refused. I just dont know how to act at this point. It seems nothing works. He had stated in a letter that even though I wanted to "make amends" he could not accept because he would always think I am being "forced" and If he wasnt happy, noone would be happy ( sound familiar, marisol?)
I will update on any good solutions to try from my coachbusting session tommorrow.In the meantime, still looking for atty- I agree about the restriction of drinking and driving with kids.Some one else had suggested it too. Well, good night everyone. will visit again tommorrow.