I don't know who that man is behind the curtain 2

[tpaschal]

Hmmm.... I've read what people have said about setting boundaries, I've read what they've said about being the better person and trying to get along for the kids' sake.

I've got a different thought...kind of sort of to "teach him a lesson," but it might also make your life a little easier......

Is there ANY way in the world possible on Wednesday to NOT have the boys ride the bus? Pick them up directly from school and drive them home, and be at home ready and waiting for exH promptly at visitation start time. That way, he'll be hanging out at the bus stop looking like a fool. If he complains, smile very pleasantly and say, "exH, my procedures and routines for getting the boys home really are not your concern anymore, as long as they are happy, healthy, safe, and ready for you at the correct time." Hand him the boys' bags or whatever, kiss the boys goodbye, and shut the door in his face.

Easier said than done, I know. My own stbx still has a key for the house because I can't afford to replace the locks, and he comes on in whenever he fancies. He came over to help clean up after Hurricane Ike, which was much appreciated, but proceeded to try to lay down the law for the kids and punish S9 for "lying." (He wasn't.) It infuriated me. I am tired of him trying to take control around my house when it isn't his home anymore.

So when I read about JA's antics, I can really empathize. It doesn't do any good to set boundaries with this type of monster, because he absolutely delights in crashing through those boundaries, knowing that you won't make too much of a fuss. He knows he'll end up getting his way because you want to do what's best for the kids, including not making a scene with their father. It lets him assert himself (in the most trivial, stupid way) and proves that you can't really do anything about it. (Na-na-na-na-boo-boo, you-can't-touch-me.)

So change the routine completely. Throw him off balance.

It's a better way of showing him you mean business than by constantly reminding him of the boundary that you can't really enforce. (Short of having a police officer wait at the bus stop with you.)

Just my 2 cents.