Quote: OK. So...I can relate to this...more along the lines of not understanding some things about their r that h doesn't seem interested in doing with me...frequent emails, IM'ing, stuff like that. I TRY not to get stuck there...tho' it doesn't always work. (worm cake? yikes )
let's see...he admitted to going to her house 3x a week I assume for lunch...I also know that they went out to lunch together several times (the number given is 5) sometimes he would call her sometimes it would be her idea...h doesn't ask me to come down for lunch...nor does he make any attempt to take me out to dinner or out anywhere. I don't know what their r was all like other than the time spent and I know I'm not getting that. and yes worm cake or mud pie...
Quote: My "surprise" wasn't an attempt to minimize your pain over finding those things...I guess it would have been more clear for me to say that I didn't realize that that event was still in the forefront for you...I guess I had ASSumed that you had "processed" it with h...or on your own. It sounds to me like it's still very fresh...
simply because it's another one of those things that didn't really get resolved...I brought the stuff home as h requested...he said "bring it home and we'll burn it together" I awoke the next morning to find it all taken from my car...and then I had to ask after returning from vacation what happend to the stuff...and I'm expected to believe he threw it away?? there's three barrells right in the garage next to my car...why take it to throw in a dumpster by yourself????
Quote: So..you know this...DB'ing says take what's not working and turn it around...it's hard for me to offer up true ideas since I don't have a great idea of what you ARE trying...
I'm trying to just keep my mouth shut because when I express any dissatifaction or desire for something I'm not getting I get negative "no matter what I do it's just not enough" type of stuff.
Quote: -- schedule a date and let him know the day before that would require finding a sitter and since he has such a fluctuating schedule he cannot always obliged...I'd rather do nothing than make the plans and be told "oh gee I can't"color] -- try changing YOUR perception of when "date" time is -- maybe have breakfast together, get up when he does so you can at least have coffee, whatever hon, h leaves the house at 6am -- change the perception of what quality time is...it sounds like h spends a lot of time watching tv at night...what if you brought in a bottle of wine, what if you surprised him with some chocolates, got a movie that you'd both be interested in, just sat there and read, etc. I've changed my perception about the tv thing..before seperation I hated the fact that all we did was sit on opposing couches watching tv (actually more me watching and him sleeping) now I don't mind it so much but it's more of the same -- What if working out in the yard together WAS considered qt for you guys? I do consider it qt together but alot of the stuff he does I cannot help with, or I am making dinner or lunch or cleaning the house or chasing kiddos around (it's not as easy to do all this stuff when you have kiddos) or whatever...
Quote: Sorry for forgetting this, LL...tell me again how you knew that h was having an a?
I didn't "know" but I do remember saying to one of my girlfriends "if he's having an a it will be his loss he'll have to live with the guilt", he was as he is...distant...etc. I also recall saying to new sil "if he doesn't open up to me soon then he will find someone else to" how did I "know" it was an a? well gee...ow is a customer..she has cancer...she needed a ride to her treatment..she called my h...my h took her...my friends sister (who is friends with my parents) is in remission so must be tested each year, she was at the hospital in the elevator...h immediatley calls home and says to me..."I'm going to be later than planned" ok says I what's up? "I had to drive someone to the hospital" is everything ok I ask? "ya, it's not an emergency someone just needed a ride to an appointment" "who" "ow" "ok"
h gets home and for the first time ever comes out and does some errands with me...
that weekend he came food shopping with me and the kids and we all went out for pizza.
h goes from reffering to this woman as an aquantance (sorry I don't think I'd just call an aquantance to take me to my cancer treatment...that'd have to be someone I'm pretty comfortable with) to a friend...admits to having gone to lunch with her a couple of times....(now keep in mind I had been by his shop a few times that summer on my way home from pre natal appointments so he could see son, and he was always too busy to spend more than 5 min with us, and never once thought to say "hey hon, I've got an hour to kill and haven't seen son in a few days why don't you come down for lunch we'll grab some subs and go to the park"
ok not to mention the fact that within a day or so of h's call...ow called to let me know they were just friends (oh please)
h moved out for a week..that's when he started with the I don't feel for you like a h should feel for a w...bla bla bla...that was when d was first talked about...that was when he stayed at his parents for a week...
how did I "know" I didn't....he was home every night...he kissed me goodbye every morning...he called home everyday from work...
