However it happened, you both got to a place where it wasn't a healthy fit. He realized it first and took action, though pretty poor choices of actions for sure.
I don't know if I agree with this.
Was it an unhealthy fit? I believe that there is an ebb and flow in Rs. You can't be in the exact same place all of the time, and growth is never linear, anyway. There are high and low points.
Maybe we are on the same wavelength when you say he felt this and took action (although poor choices)--in Rs that last, the action would be COMMUNICATION. Both partners working together on and for the R.
It was very good for a very long time - I still believe that.
Issues for us, were that 1) neither of us had any experience with a variety of different Rs and people, and 2) ex didn't have any experience or enough esteem to face and deal with conflict. I did, so assumed that he did, too.
I think I lean more to the philosophy of that guy from Marriage Builders, that co-dependence becomes blurred in a marriage, between what is healthy and what isn't. My (over) attachment only became obvious and a problem when he was no longer there. If we had better communication skills, I think we would have learned how to deal with this a long time ago and been happily together.
Maybe not. I can only look at this with my own eyes, and as has become really clear, is that I haven't had a complete picture of what his inner world is like.
I can't look back and say, wow, I never realized just how bad that marriage was. Maybe I will someday...I guess time will tell, when I have more comparisons to look at. But I do know that I felt happy, and loved, and content.
If you took a slice of our lives, morals, outlooks, etc. today, though, it would be obvious that we don't fit.
That is the reality of today. I will not fathom a guess as to what the future holds. I used to think I knew......and look at just how wrong I was.
