ponderings

[sage]

a trigger? perhaps simply more icing on that worm cake. and bingo on the fact that h was willing/able and eager to do something for ow that he seems unwilling to do for me...and it doesn't stop with doc appointments (that's just the big one since that's where he was with her when he was seen by one of "my people" and finally disclosed the friendship (ok after waffling a bit between she's an aquantance..no she's a friend...bla bla bla)

OK. So...I can relate to this...more along the lines of not understanding some things about their r that h doesn't seem interested in doing with me...frequent emails, IM'ing, stuff like that. I TRY not to get stuck there...tho' it doesn't always work. (worm cake? yikes )

I have to say that I was surprised to see your response to Brian where you talked about finding the stuff at h's office....

why were you surprised? it happend just before I left for florida and then I had to bring it up after I got home...wondering what he did with the stuff he claims he put it in the dumpster at work...jewlery and all (a tacky heart charm of hers...a ring he bought himself to replace the wedding band I took from him, a cross he had bought that christmas to replace the temporarily broken one I had given him on our wedding day)

---

My "surprise" wasn't an attempt to minimize your pain over finding those things...I guess it would have been more clear for me to say that I didn't realize that that event was still in the forefront for you...I guess I had ASSumed that you had "processed" it with h...or on your own. It sounds to me like it's still very fresh...

well then let's here some db tecniques that will help with intimacy and time together??? cause nothing I'm comming up with seems to work..h just seems complacant and content to just be here whether we spend qt together or not.

So..you know this...DB'ing says take what's not working and turn it around...it's hard for me to offer up true ideas since I don't have a great idea of what you ARE trying...

Maybe you've tried all of these...

-- schedule a date and let him know the day before
-- try changing YOUR perception of when "date" time is -- maybe have breakfast together, get up when he does so you can at least have coffee, whatever
-- change the perception of what quality time is...it sounds like h spends a lot of time watching tv at night...what if you brought in a bottle of wine, what if you surprised him with some chocolates, got a movie that you'd both be interested in, just sat there and read, etc.
-- What if working out in the yard together WAS considered qt for you guys? or whatever...

Sorry for forgetting this, LL...tell me again how you knew that h was having an a?

Sage