Quote: So....I know you've been in a sad spot for a few weeks now but this seems like a big trigger for yesterday, no? I'm interpreting here but the concept that h was willing and eager to do something for ow that he seems unwilling and unable to do for you????
a trigger? perhaps simply more icing on that worm cake. and bingo on the fact that h was willing/able and eager to do something for ow that he seems unwilling to do for me...and it doesn't stop with doc appointments (that's just the big one since that's where he was with her when he was seen by one of "my people" and finally disclosed the friendship (ok after waffling a bit between she's an aquantance..no she's a friend...bla bla bla)
Quote: I have to say that I was surprised to see your response to Brian where you talked about finding the stuff at h's office....
why were you surprised? it happend just before I left for florida and then I had to bring it up after I got home...wondering what he did with the stuff he claims he put it in the dumpster at work...jewlery and all (a tacky heart charm of hers...a ring he bought himself to replace the wedding band I took from him, a cross he had bought that christmas to replace the temporarily broken one I had given him on our wedding day)
Quote: My 2 cents...tell me to pound sand if you want...but seems like you haven't been able to move to a more comfortable place re. the affair...true?
I haven't moved to a comfortable place about the affair because I don't truly know what the heck it all was...and our r has not seen much improvement since the initial return. the way I see it..h was seeking that feeling..that rush...that "in love" he wanted it...new he could have it with her...so sought it out and continued to make the time to keep that r growing by spending lunch with her...he doesn't seem to understand that the same time must be put into this r to have that feeling here..he seems content to just say..that's not the way real life is...we're married with kids and this is just the way it is.
Quote: I think it can be two steps forward, one step back but I don't think you'll really heal (and m will heal) until you can find some peace around this...maybe I'm overstating...I don't know.
it is not a question of whether or not I understand how things happen...I'm no dummy...it could have been me..but I understand these things and that is why it wasn't me...he is the one who needs to understand it and I'm not always certain that he does...if he doesn't understand then sure he's here but life will simply be a sacrifice of his happiness to be here.
Quote: You didn't deserve what h did...none of us did (no matter how "bad" we may have been in hindsight). Are you taking responsibility for it? Yikes. Stop
well I don't feel responsible for his ridiculous decisions but for some reason he at times thinks I am. you did x so I did y kinda thing.
Quote: BUT, to me, DB'ing is also about identifying behaviors and patterns that aren't working...not because they're "bad" or negative ... but because they're just not getting you what you want. I DO think that DB'ing applies beautifully in that case to your sitch...there's a handful of things ... (intimacy, general time together, etc) that you're unhappy about in your m. and I'm feeling (and have felt in the past) that putting some DB techniques in place might help resolve or at least "better" some of those things....
well then let's here some db tecniques that will help with intimacy and time together??? cause nothing I'm comming up with seems to work..h just seems complacant and content to just be here whether we spend qt together or not.
Quote: Lastly...I KNOW you're angry and tired and done...it REALLY seemed as though you were doing "better" when you were listing positives....I know it's a cyclic thing...the positives are easier to see when you're feeling good and when you're not feeling good who wants to look for 'em and list 'em? BUT, can you look through your irritation and hurt to find some things?
thing is some of the positives I started noting made me realize that some things were better durning his a so why should I look at them as positives now. ie. phone calls...I list it as a possitive when h calls before noon. funny thing is before the a and even in the first weeks of seperation h would call everymorning at 10am or earlier.
a kiss hello or goodbye? why list it as a positive...during h's a he would kiss my forehead as I slept when he was on his way out to work.
Quote: I think I read something about flowers and ice cream and "storm warnings".
the flowers were from son and h pointed that fact out several times...yes yes I know h bought them and it may even have been his idea (though you never know my son is pretty cute and might have suggested it when ariving at the store seeing them wanting to make mommy feel better) the icecream? well he took son for icecream so I don't know..but then again while he was having his a (I was preg for most of it) he'd get me icecream everyother night. the storm warnings?? well sheesh if something happens to me who's gonna take care of his kids???
no ily's no sorry for being a jerk and hanging up...regardless of the argument that was uncalled for.
