Well.. the first step would be to see what his side of the papers are asking for.
It's not a turn that I hoped for.. and if I am being honest.. I don't think any of the actions taken so far have "made up his mind".
Is it a possibility.. absolutely.
I was very clear about that.
There is a possibility that "Pool Gate" set things in motion. There is also the possibility that this was his plan all along.
From the beginning of all this.. this was always possible.
This does bring a new level of "Emotion" to the table..
The papers will tell us alot about where this is coming from.
How many people have gotten papers and then had things change? You can never tell what will happen. All I can say is people reach out when they feel like something is about to happen.
Best thing I can say is.. talk it out if you need to Christa.
Lets look at the papers.. try your best not to respond "Emotionally". If things are fair.. and agreeable.. then move that direction. If things are not.. then go that way. Again.. you go into protect mode.. not attack mode.
Again.. maybe its my simple mind.. but I just would rather see people making smart choices.. rather than waiting on someone to make stupid choices for them. I have sat in a L office making stupid choices for someone else. I have done and said a lot of stupid things. So.. I still stand on this is a walk of you.. and who you want to be.
Nothing me and Christa have done will "bite" her in court.. If anything it shows how mad he still is. Who knows.. showing up in court.. or the L office and separating permanently might have a effect on him.. in a good way. Or it builds on itself and it ends in D. I will still stand by Christa.. hopefully to help her make smart decisions that help her down the road. At least he is making a choice.. I gotta assume he knows the consequences of his choices. In the end he is the one that will have to live with them. It was not that long ago.. Christa was giving him papers.. and moving on with life.. without him. Interesting how time changes things. You can never assume to know what the other person is thinking.. all you can do is make smart choices.. and understand where those choices will leave you. If you can be "happy" with the outcome.. either way.. you win.
If you really look at the LRT that they recommend here.. it is a action.. of no action. They recommend it because you will likely not make smart choices with all your "Emotion" running around. Some people draw closer to the person doing the LRT.. some people pull away. By choosing a action.. you allow for something different to happen. If you don't choose a course of action for you.. things will surely go the same way.
You also cannot discount that life goes in cycles.. or circles.. so here we are right back where we started from.. when Christa was making the choices. Until those papers are filed.. and everything is done.. I will encourage her to "Do Something Different" and allow for "something" to change. I don't know what is going to change.. "something" will. And in the end.. it will be something good. Christa wins.. even if she can't "see" it now.
Christa.. Keep your head up.
I know you have a lot on you right now. You can do this.. I know you can. You just gotta believe.. or have some hope.. that this is gonna make a better you. There is a reason for all this.. it just takes a while sometimes.. to bring into focus what that reason is.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
I talked to my L, told her to lay low, let them do the "work"...I guess H's L made it sound to my L (over the phone) as if H and I had a discussion and we were both in agreement that D was an amicable solution...I told my L, I didn't want D, and didn't know he was going to choose this route. I told her how 3 weeks ago, he had asked me to come down and hang out, and things were "hunky-doory!" Then next thing I knew he said something about going and talking to his L, but I thought he was bluffing...and how he had bluffed to me before. She said she felt bad, she thought I knew he was serious, or she would have "picked a softer approach than a letter"...I told her not to worry about it; however I was in grad. school so anything and everything would have to revolve around my schedule now. I told her not to do anything, anything at all....let them, call her, and do the leg work. I said for the past 20 months, he has lead me in the direction this could work, and I still have hope it can, let's do what we can to make this "take time"...she said that was fine with her. She said the next step she anticipated from their side was a motion hearing. I asked if there was anyway we could get a judge to grant "mandatory counseling" she said she would file for it, but it could be denied, so, at the motion hearing, we are going to file for what is called "conciliation counseling." It is where one of the members of the marriage believes there is a chance it could work out; if the judge deams it fit, he orders mandatory MC. I pray, and hope, and hope and pray, if we get to that point, that is the direction it goes. Not that forcing the H to counseling is going to make him happy; I just think him being in an environment where he can vent and all I do is sit, empathize, and agree, could start something. If not anything else...it's a stall technique.
So this is where we sit.
Not exactly the turn of events I was hoping for, but indeed, a turn of events.
The past few days have been crazy with emotions. I've just been busy with work, and school, trying to keep all of this on the back burner, at least for now.
Thanks for the input FG~ as always, thanks for being a good friend when I need one the most christa
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
With all that is stacked against you.. I see the heart.
"The past few days have been crazy with emotions. I've just been busy with work, and school, trying to keep all of this on the back burner, at least for now."
That right there is progress.
I so expected to read something different.
I saw your post on SG the Mods thread about getting baited.
Listen to the advice you gave.
Nothing has changed yet.
"Thanks for the input FG"
Your welcome.
Don't disappear on me now. I've worked hard to uncover a bit of you.
Everybody has.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
Forrest, when you told Christa to talk it out.....how did you mean that? Did you mean talk it out here or to write a letter to her H? Would you see a letter as being a LRT? I mean a really last ditch attempt to express all of her feelings?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Trick is going to be finding what room he is hiding in...so I can "shine" brighter than the sun!!
I always tell my friends, put your sunglasses on, I'm an angel, my halo gleams so bright, you need them!!! They find it VERYYYYY Funny!!!! Especially since they all know i'm full of sh%t!!!!
night guys christa
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
You crack me up girlfriend!.......no, not you Forrest, Christa
That sounds just like something FG would say.......you talk it out with me and he would monitor!! He said to poke the man.....but I don't know how to poke!! I don't chase men, remember? So, like you said, if you can't find his hidding place, how do you shine. I'd like to shine his butt to the sun and back. He's about to make me mad! It's time to get over his anger anyway.
My idea of luring him into a motel room to give him sex didn't work and he won't go to any of the friends cook-outs, and it's not time for the letter.......soooooo, yeah, I'd like to take a poke at him myself. (You know I just kidding around.) Just filling up space. I think you are the first person that I have actually been "stumped" and didn't know what to advise them to do....lol. So you get a gold star next to your name.
Sorry Forrest, but you can't just run out on us like this.....we need the weird thoughts of a DAM to know how to proceed with the poking.
Have a good night sweetie and keep up the good sense of humor. I think that is what keeps you going.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
(You know I just kidding around.) Just filling up space. I think you are the first person that I have actually been "stumped" and didn't know what to advise them to do....lol. So you get a gold star next to your name.