Kalni, you had better get to NY, and Woog had better be there! If he's not, let me know, and I'll go up to Idaho, hogtie him, and stuff him on a plane!
I came on here just a couple of weeks after some of you did and also find that I'm not on here as much. I guess it's a good thing that we don't NEED to be on here as much as we did at the beginning. We have all grown. Kalni, you continue to sound so strong.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
It is true, we are all not on as much. I think it is probably because we are becoming stronger. We have seen each other through the worst hell, and are beginning to learn to handle it on our own. This is a good thing...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Last night my kids were crying in the car coming back from some shopping. They miss their dad. I know sometimes I trigger things like that and others they just let it out suddendly.
My D insists that I am to blame because I dont love her dad, that no other man is allowed in my life and that her dad "only wanted a break from me". My S is always correcting himself "ever since dad left us, sorry I mean left you, he never abandoned US". It's result of the talk about how their dad never left them. He seems to realise that his dad loves them but cant be with me. In the end he just said "I still cant understand how this happened to us, we were such a nice family...".
I got sad again. We were a nice family. At least that is what I thought.
Later stbxH called right in the middle of me fighting with my D about her homework (she had to write her name 5 times!!!). He asked if he should "talk to her". I was upset. For a moment I thought how great he has everything settled. He gets to be free, with no resposnibilities, no "obstacles" for the life ahead of him, cover his emotional needs by seeing the kids every other weekend, covering his "responsibilities" by giving money and... being away to live anyway he feels like it. I am a babysiiter and a housekeeper. And if it was his choice I would be his laundry lady and his meals' provider...ohhh and teh car/driver girl!!!
I never said I could handle 2 kids on my own. I would probably reconsider having them if I knew this would be the end result. Dont get me wrong, I know my kids are a gift an dmy world, but honestly I had not planned to be in this state right now and that makes me a bit insecure. I will be fine and probably will create a great life for them/with them. But I will have to try twice as hard and always wonder if I did a good job.And I will have to "sacrifice" my life for them. Driving back with bags of groceries etc. I wished there was someone home waiting for us to help me get the stuff upstairs, someone to make me a coffee, get for me my favourite souvlakia. Or just be there smiling to me when I got home...
I chose not to tell him anything about the kids. Their school is my "work", I will deal with it. Today he called and wanted to know why I sounded ..."like that" on the phone. I told him everything is fine and under control. Kept the call VERY short, maybe a a bit longer than 15 secs.
I can totally relate to the stress of being a single parent. W had said the typical script of the kids will be fine - BS! There just is not time for one person to do all they want for the kids. D6 and I both want to get involved with the girl scouts, but scheduling is difficult and I cant force the STBXW to help if meetings fall during her time with them. At least my kids dont put any blame on me for the divorce and have expressed to me that they want me to have a girlfriend. I hope your kids attitudes change as time goes by and want their mom to be with a new man. It could be as their dad gets a new woman that will be what changes their attitude towards you. I wonder if maybe your STBXH has given the kids the wrong message about why your M is not working.
BTW, my D also had as homework after the first day of school to write her name 5 times.
Sorry the kids are struggling. That is the most painful part, I think, for me, to see how they are in pain when they have no "voice" in these decisions...
By the way, John210 got some icky news. Go check on him when you can, ok?
Kerry, I think my kids feel when I will give up (which they feel I have but are still checking), it will really be the end of their hopes. I am to blame some, because in the beginning although I never told them their dad is definitely coming back, I never said he wasnt either. Now I just tell them it is over. They need time I guess. Funny how our kids have the same homework so many miles away, in different countries...
I know BBJ, I posted already to John. (((Michelle))) K
That must be tough, they are so youmg, but your son sounds very wise! Its amazing that your exH just wants to spend one weekend in two with them, thats not very much time is it? And yes, you are raising his kids for him. It doesnt sound like you would want to part with them for any more time than that though.
Do you thikn it would help them to spend MORE time with him? Could you talk to him about that? Could you let them go more often if he would agree? You sound kind of territorial over them, but its not surprising after how he has behaved.
I dont have kids, but I really feel for you, its so much more to deal with thatn just your own hurt and disappointment,
Al xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
