A big dilemma that i need some help on from a WAW

[whitneypinch]

Hi there,
So my W and I have been texting back and forth about the kids.
We actually started to talk about values we were teaching the kids. Well, at least I started to talk about it and she joined in. I brought up issues like what negative things do we monitor so the kids don't see them etc. My 3.5 S loves all the typical cartoons that are violent such as Batman, Spiderman etc. Of course some of it's cool for him to see and I guess some of it's not cool.
I work my butt off to be a great father now and make sure ever experience I give the kids has some meaning. We talk about charity, compassion etc. I have taken my kids to museums, camping, multi cultural events, the arts etc.

I mentioned to my W that the whole topic was pretty big and she said we could talk about it.

So before all of you on the bb scream how lucky I am, hear me out.

I know I am doing a great job as a parent with my kids. I can already see the fruits of my efforts coming out in the kids. I know my W does not consciously think about what is she teaching the kids in all that she does with them as much as I do.
I have spoken to my C about this and her opinion is for me to continue to do what I do and not worry what happens in my W's house. My W is not doing anything wrong btw.
My C says the kids will figure this out on their own. They will take bits and pieces from each of their experience with each parent and come to their own path in life.

So, really I don't need to get together with my W. The truth is I am looking for validation and appreciation from my W which as all of you know is no good. In order for me to really talk about the kids it would have to be the whole kit and caboodle, meaning my whole life philosophy which would include my views on family etc. This is the largest 180 possible. This whole D experience has completely changed who I am, for the better.
On the other hand my W says she would talk about kids stuff.
So there lies the problem. I should use the opportunity to talk to my W but I am not doing it for the right reasons and I know that R talk will have to come up.

This is what my W just sent me:
"We can definitely sit down to discuss this! Have a great day."

I kind of think maybe I will just leave it unless she ask specifically to get together. I have been going dusk lately and it seems to have drawn her out a bit. In 2.5 weeks I am leaving on a 24 day trip and will have very little contact with my family.

So, you WAW what do you think?

[whitneypinch]

^

[JenInVen]

Hi, I don't any advice but you might want to search for SmartCookie...she was an almost WAW and she's helped alot of the guys here who are LBS.

[whitneypinch]

Hi there jen
Nice to hear from you.
I have spoken with SC before, she is great.!!

Ya, as you see I am in a bit of a weird situation. I have decided to just let it be. If my W intiates us getting together to sit down and discuss this then I will and take it slowly. If she does not I will not bring it up again.

[JenInVen]

I guess it's just going with the flow right? I also agree with your C. Everyone has different parenting styles (even those in the same family) so as long as the kids are doing well and thriving I don't think I'd worry too much. My xh is totally different than me and we do different things with D.

What part of Canada are you in? (You don't have to tell me since some people prefer that be kept private)

[whitneypinch]

I live in Ontario.
I just went to my kids school tonight to hear from their teachers on what is in store for our kids as far as subjects for the year. It hit me hard how crappy my kids will have it. At night they need two parents to help them with their homework and now they only will have one.
There are so many things that they get ripped off on. Yes of course we will all do our best as single parents but it's just a shame.
To this day I can't beleive my W does not even care enough to talk about what happened and/or go to C. She just left. Sorry, I am upset tonight.
Yes I do all the right DB stuff but once and awhile it's just too much to take. Tonight is one of those nights.