Is there someone else...or the spectre of someone else? Perhaps a muscular fireman in your class?
You know, I've been going through something similar lately...which is weird because you and I seem to hit certain rough spots at the same time. In any case, my W will seem to be trying, meeting my love language and such, and then back off until I remind her (again) that she's backing off. It's a pattern that continues to repeat itself. She apologizes, then works a little harder on "us," then drops back again to old habits. I got frustrated with this and told her so the other day. Her response was, "You know I'm a tough nut to crack. Sometimes you just need to remind me." My response was that I'm tired of shouldering most of the burden for our R and that it was her responsibility to work just as hard as me. Flippin' exasperating!
My point?
Perhaps as your 180 you've become too quiet, not telling your H your needs any longer. I know you feel you have gone overboard in this department in the past, but if you never tell him how you're feeling, then nothing will get resolved. I imagine he'd be very surprised to find out exactly how you are feeling these days, LL. We both know communication is the key...and that's why I make sure I tell my W how I feel. However, I understand getting sick and tired of having to do all of the work. It is definitely the same for me.
I also know how you feel about your H not really "caring" whom you hang out with (with reference to men). I still get the feeling from my W that she doesn't care enough to be jealous. I'm sure you know what I mean by this statement. Frankly, it makes me want to do something a bit unorthodox...just to throw her for a huge loop...but make it be a test of her resolve to want to stay with me. You know? Last night, I went as far to ask her how she'd feel if I just bailed 'cuz I don't get the feeling she'd care too much. Her response was that she'd be sad. Hmmm....
It's the difference between "being" in an R, and "participating" in an R. Our Ses are the former and we're the later.
Anyway, I wasn't trying to hijaak your thread. I simply see many similarities between our sitches and I wanted to give you an idea of what I'm thinking/doing to try to break that mold; however, I have been "stuck" lately.
