"I read that, in our 20's, our Rs serve as "I'll be good and take care of you, you be good and take care of me." We are trying to be what the other person needs.
The next stage of life (which women hit first, like other social development) is when you start to look at yourself and try to meet your own needs. You realize that another person can't "complete" you or make you happy, so you set about learning how to do that for yourself.
I think that is what happened in my M. I got to that stage first. Having raised my kids to being more self-sufficient, and caring for my mother through her sickness and death, I was ready to reinvest in myself. I started to focus more on my career, a dream job that I have wanted to do since grade school. I got involved in scouts again, something that I had always loved (and where I had met x, actually).
I just didn't realize that he was still in the "I'll be good so you will take care of me" stage."
Donna,
This is so great!!! Good work!!!
I've thought it was pretty clear for a long time that this is what happened in your M. In some ways, your mother's death must have been very freeing. You began to grow and blossom. Your co-dependence lessened, and X wasn't at a place where he grow with you. (Hey, he was living with his parents!)
However it happened, you both got to a place where it wasn't a healthy fit. He realized it first and took action, though pretty poor choices of actions for sure.
