The good news is that it seems you ARE handling things much better than in the past.
But (and you knew that was coming right) IMO you should stop the R talks. If H wants to talk then listen. Just listen to what he is saying. Absorb it, file it, don't call back and talk more.

What are you doing in the lines of how you will keep your home/farm and family if H does not come back? are you preparing for that outcome? are you getting your ducks in a row? Can you keep the farm and make it cash flow without H to do the manual labor?

How did it turn out with the insurance issue? are you all covered now?

Anything new on the legal front?

I know, a ton of questions. It really has taken me a long time to get to the point of knowing how I would move forward with or without my H. I plug away at in my own little baby steps. Are you making baby steps?

Live your life while you are still living.
Riding the trail less traveled.