Quote: Taking the kids out and leaving H home alone some evenings of the week only to have the kids and you come home so joviant from your activities, just might make feel left out and wanting to join in
KAW,
I always appreciate your posts. thing is my kiddos are little, 4 and two. I can barely get son (4) to play memory card games never mind go fish (he just doesn't have the patience yet for that kind of stuff, I've tried the frustration isn't worth it at this point) as far as taking the kids out and leaving h alone...well dd's bed time is 7pm and that is typically what time h gets home..son's bed time is 8pm. last week I did take son (while cousin 10 was visiting) to the drive in....son started to fall asleep before the movie was over.
it's not as if I'm sitting at home everynight waiting for h to "entertain" me. I've suggested we go to the drive in ourselves..but it won't happen (I'll bet I'll be there again at least once before he joins me, good thing I no longer have a problem going places alone). tues and thurs nights I am not home when h gets home I have already left for class and he is typically asleep by the time I get home. When friends invite me out I go. I keep busy with painting and other misc projects around the house after I put dd to bed.
it is not as if I am left thinking that h doesn't care about me or my well being at all. I know that he does...it is simply that I wish he would have more of a desire or drive to spend fun time with me.
before the disclosure of ea ow, I began to accept that h was simply a simple man, he worked, ate slept and watched football and had little desire to do much else. He was a good man, a working man, a man who enjoyed the simpleness of life...work hard and provide for your family and occassionally go watch a football game. It wasn't fun but I accepted it. Now after either realizing or fabricating in my mind that h does have the desire to enjoy life and the company of a woman I am left to wonder...why not me? why would he call this woman to go to lunch? why would he stop by this womans house to spend time with her and not give me the same?
when I express to him what it is that I want...using his own definition of "in love" "to want to be around that person, to want that person to be around you" his new response is "that wasn't real, you even said so yourself"
h does not claim to be unhappy, infact he seems very happy especially when I'm not complaining about anything being missing.
as you no doubt can tell, it takes very little to make me happy, the crumbs that h throws me occassionally make me smile...I would just like to smile more often.
I have something wrong with my eye...it's been bothering me for a week now...it has become red and swollen...I went to the er yesterday...they've called it a type of pink eye...and I have to follow up tommorow with an optomologist...h has called me already 3x today to see how I am doing, that tells me he does care.
when I "complain" about us not doing anything together (aside from family stuff) h often gives me the "what did you think it would be like" (in regards to having children) thing is I am willing to push myself to ensure that we have a quality relationship, I am not content to sit back and say...now is the time when we dedicate ourselves to work and family and there'll be time for "US" later on. I understand that if we do not give some time to "US" now, there may not be an "US" to dedicate time to later on as we will both have simply gotten so busy living our own lives fullfilling our own roles individually.
I am not saying that I am perfect or right and h is all wrong in our sit. I am simply saying that we need to do some more work to find a middle ground. I need to learn to not focus on the r so much and h needs to learn to focus a bit more on it.
