Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
I think the life insurance is a good idea. My older kids dad and I put that in place when we divorced years ago. But that was a different kind of divorce too. We have never had any real issues or feelings like we do now. I need to bring that up to H too. He won't like it (well his part anyway).
Hope your Tuesday is going better.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Hate to hear you are going through BS with your H. Don't worry I am right there with you. Your H, my H and a few other H's on the board have some real mental issues. I can say that now that I am a psych nurse! It's nuts that he thinks you all should ride together. I would not do it! My H has made very similar requests. We have ML countless times in the last few months (more than in the last few months than when we were living together) and this selifish fool will finish the act and then ask me a few breaths later "so are you going to sign off on the paperwork and not get a lawyer?" I want to say "did you really think your performance was that outstanding I was going to change my mind?" I actually think it's comical now because no matter how much we sleep together he is not waivering on divorce and I am not waivering on what I am asking. I digress, but my point is stand your ground. If your H sees the slightest kindness in you he will jump all over it and use it in his favor. He is very immature and juvenille and much like with a child and a puppy you have to set very clear boundaries and limits. Also BS just like SO2 said you don't have to agree to anything that makes you uncomfortable. Also, as it pertains to child support why aren't you getting that? My H has been good about paying, but if he did not even though we are married I could still go to court and ask for it. Make sure you bring that up. It's hard enough being a single mom, but being a single mom without financial support is even harder.
Hate to hear you are going through BS with your H. Don't worry I am right there with you. Your H, my H and a few other H's on the board have some real mental issues. I can say that now that I am a psych nurse! It's nuts that he thinks you all should ride together. I would not do it! My H has made very similar requests. We have ML countless times in the last few months (more than in the last few months than when we were living together) and this selifish fool will finish the act and then ask me a few breaths later "so are you going to sign off on the paperwork and not get a lawyer?" I want to say "did you really think your performance was that outstanding I was going to change my mind?" I actually think it's comical now because no matter how much we sleep together he is not waivering on divorce and I am not waivering on what I am asking. I digress, but my point is stand your ground. If your H sees the slightest kindness in you he will jump all over it and use it in his favor. He is very immature and juvenille and much like with a child and a puppy you have to set very clear boundaries and limits. Also BS just like SO2 said you don't have to agree to anything that makes you uncomfortable. Also, as it pertains to child support why aren't you getting that? My H has been good about paying, but if he did not even though we are married I could still go to court and ask for it. Make sure you bring that up. It's hard enough being a single mom, but being a single mom without financial support is even harder.
Very well put! Don't confuse his off and on kindness as anything but manipulation at this point. He may be trying to be that way to get you to do what he wants. There might be a shred of sincerity there, but I wouldn't buy it yet. Not when it comes to your daughter.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
I have life ins from my work. I asked H about it yesterday, he said he'd look into it - whatever. I know he has it. He worked for this company before we were married and they offered it then. He just doesn't want to shell out the whopping $15 or whatever a month.
ST - just want to let you know that I don't emphasize that I can do all this on my own. What I do say is that I have been handling it on my own because he is not contributing. I make sure that I stress that K is BOTH our daughter and all I want is for him to make sure she is provided for. Here's something funny. MIL and I went to see a psychic (for kicks) on Saturday. She said to me - "your H feels like he is not contributing or supporting the family. He knows better, too." She doesn't know we are separated and I was wearing my wedding rings. So, I thought that was pretty darn intersting. Because it is hitting the nail right on the head. He DOES know better. He tries to turn it around by saying that he doesn't want to be supporting my partying. Oh, yes, that's right between working full time, taking care of our daughter full time, feedings, diaper changes, going to bed by 9pm and up at 5am, laundry, cleaning, cooking - I have plenty of time to go out and party it up. He's a goofball. HE KNOWS BETTER. Doesn't mean he'll do the right thing, though.
H2W - the child support is a messy issue. He got FIRED - yet again, from his job right after K was born. Up until that point, he was paying his portion of the bills. When he was jobless, he paid nothing. He finally got his first paycheck (from the job, I helped him get, mind you) and asked me how much I wanted - duh, all of it it what I WANT. I told him I want the first half of the CS we agreed upon, he needs to pay daycare this week and start paying his share of the bills again. So, on Sunday, I ask him where my money is. He hasn't cashed his check, yet. Please, here were go again, excuses, excuses, excuses. I'm going to make sure when we go to mediation, he pays all the back support he owes me including interest.
So, Tuesday is a new day. Still not as happy as I have been, but better than yesterday. Had quite a few text convo with H yesterday. But, I started to feel like maybe I was trying to find reasons to reach out to him. So, I stopped texting him. Trying to get my head back on straight, now.
Hope everyone is doing well.
ST - my email is on FB - send me the info on the ins if you can.
M 5yrs 1st baby-girl born 6/18/08 Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07 D Final 07/10 OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her Me, now - happier than I ever was with him
"He hasn't cashed his check, yet. Please, here were go again, excuses, excuses, excuses. I'm going to make sure when we go to mediation, he pays all the back support he owes me including interest."
Write it down!
"I think the life insurance is a good idea."
Make sure any Life Ins.. has K as benefit. Set into trust fund and appoint trustworthy person to manage trust. Be careful buying stuff like this while separated.. check with the L.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
Oh, believe me, it's all written down and what little money he has given me, I make sure to document what it goes towards.
How have you been Forrest - haven't seen you around lately, as much.
M 5yrs 1st baby-girl born 6/18/08 Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07 D Final 07/10 OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her Me, now - happier than I ever was with him
At least you have gotten some $$, I have gotten a small package of diapers once a week since he left.
Having a down day today. Having the visitation talk today.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
I'm with you on the down day SO2. I feel really sad today. Not sure why. But, I do. All I can think about is the fact that I'm one day closer to NOT being his wife. I miss him. This really sucks. I start to feel okay and upbeat and like I can handle this. Then I have days like today where I just want to be with him and love him and have him love me again. I hate today.
I look at our daughter and I can't believe that he doesn't want to spend every minute with her. He was supposed to come see her last night - he didn't - again. He said he was going to stop by tonight and give me money. But, K will be asleep by the time he gets there. It kills me that he is okay with just spending a couple hours on Sunday with her and that's it. What happened to him? What happened to the man that couldn't wait to start our family? I want THAT guy back.
M 5yrs 1st baby-girl born 6/18/08 Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07 D Final 07/10 OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her Me, now - happier than I ever was with him
Morning friend, sorry to see you are down today. Wish I was there to give you a big hug! I dont know what happened to your H, but your beautiful baby has you, you have here, today is the day for that. Hugs to you!
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
