New Thread-Husband Moved in With OW(T2L)

[marisol35]

Hi Hope!

I'm not sure where everyone is??? I'm concerned...

I found out about the fight because I still cannot beat the urge to look at his email...I know that is the worst thing to do especially when it does nothing but hurt. I have been fighting the urge today and have to get past this.

HUGS for you!!! I'm sorry your day was not a good one yesterday. I cry every day on my way home from work. I don't want to cry infront of my D16. She was so happy yesterday after going to her first piano lesson so that is what keeps me going!

Although what you did last night may have took you back a few steps but sometimes we MUST let our feelings and emotions out! In doing so, your H sees the pain he has and is putting you through right at this very moment. How else can they know if they don't see it? Sometimes I wish I would have had more time with my H at home. I would have been able to say more, do more, or show him more. With him gone I am helpless to save it. Then with his replacement it makes it that much harder to get through to him. Even though his R sounds very unstable she is there with him and I'm not.

Your email was good....keeping the communication going I think is very important. Even if he doesn't respond he is reading it and thinking about you.

Here is an email exchange we did last Thursday after he signed the D papers:

I find it hard to believe you were not happy the whole time we were together. I understand these past few months yes with all that has happened but if you were not happy throughout the time we lived together then you would have cheated on me then or would have left me then right?

I admit when I look back there are things I could have done better too. I was not the best communicator of my feelings because I didn't know how. I would hold things in because I was afraid to upset you or to make you mad. I didn't know any better. I wanted to make our relationship as comfortable as possible. All I wanted was for us to be together with our kids, to be a family, and look forward to the future.

This only came about after we were married. After a real commitment was made you became a different person. You were trapped, suffocated, had to answer to me, this was forever and you wanted out. But our lack of communication destroyed everything. Both of us had feelings we were not sharing with one another.

You knew how much marriage meant to me and it's almost like in the back of your mind you knew if you cheated you could end it. It was your way out. And now more than ever you want out even more because there is someone in your life. You want to make this happen as fast as possible so you won't feel guilty anymore for what you have done and what you are doing with this other person right now.

This woman, who is young, has no kids, is full of energy, adores you like a god, and came at opportune time when your office closes and you are at the lowest point of your career. She says all the right things, makes you feel like you have never felt before, tells you she loves you all the time, makes you feel young, says you’re the best thing that has ever happened to her in her life, and you are in love. But there is one thing about her and that is she is demanding. She will not have "doors open" in her relationships or she will leave you no matter how much she loves you. Trust is the most important thing to her. So for her, she can't be in a true relationship with a man who is still married. Its either you get a divorce or I'm gone! Am I right?

So tell me how your actions are not being influenced by anyone or anything?

If you were alone right now Scott with just you and your son with no one else in the picture you would not be in such a hurry as you are now to make this divorce happen. You would be putting your life back together like you said from all that has happened and would get organized, create order, and take your time before making life changing decisions like this. You would be spending time with your kids who miss you. You would be showing yourself you can make it on your own. You would be proud of how far you have come. I'm not saying you would come back but at least give it time and space to settle all of these feelings that are taking place between us and between our kids. It's only been 3 weeks since you left.

No one can make someone love them or want to be with them. I never made you love me or made you want to be with me. You were there by choice. You could have told me a long time ago that it was never going to work between us. It would have been hard for me to hear but I would have accepted it and I would have found my way. But you didn't and you kept coming around. Maybe it was just for sex, I don't know but for me there was something more there, something stronger. Then you wanted a relationship and wanted more. You told everyone how happy you were. This is where I get confused.

You had all these visions, goals, and desires of what you wanted for us. The places you wanted to go and things you wanted us to have. Now it has all been erased.

Would you honestly be making this decision if there was no one else? Would you be willing to let go and give up? I don't know only you do. From what you said to me the answer is yes. If no one else was in your life you would still want a divorce because you don't want to be married to me anymore.

I do remember years ago when we were 19 and we were in love. We couldn't bear to be without each other. It was so exciting to see one another. I longed for you like you did for me. I couldn't wait for you to pick me up after working at Tony Roma's to sneak me out of the house. I remember our long walks through the golf course in Dobson ranch. We talked about everything. I was your girl. It was so much fun back then. Those are the memories I will always cherish.

I know people change with time and with the experiences they face. I felt I have changed a great deal from that 19 year old girl I was to the woman I am now. I would not change a thing that has happened in my life because that is what has made me who I am. What I can change is what my future will be. I have forgiven. I have loved. I have lost. What I must do now is fill myself back up with love for myself and have faith that this new beginning will bring me the joy and happiness I have always wanted.


Marisol Castro

-----Original Message-----
From: [e-mail] [mailto:[e-mail]]
Sent: Thursday, September 11, 2008 11:50 AM
To: Castro, Marisol
Subject: Sorry!

I'm sorry for handling things so poorly! Things have been very crazy in my life lately! I'm just trying to get organization and order back to my life.....we both need closer with this so we can move on! I admit I did handle the divorce poorly and I could have been better at communicating with you....I just felt like if I didn't just do it that I would keep putting it off and it could literally take years to get done. I need to know where I stand and get my life in order. I never meant to ruin your life!! Everything I did I thought I was doing right by you.....but in the end if I wasn't happy then nobody was going to be.
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