LL..I posted on your other thread..I am soooo sorry to hear your frustrations..I know you will pull yourself back up..and look around and see things alittle clearer..you always do. Hang in there..you have too much invested to slip backwards.
Quoting lostlove: my rants are an outpouring of frustration at the moment and they help to releive some of the pent up thoughts
Yea, but I've notice a trend where these rants use to come 2-3 times a week ... then once a week ... a week or two would pass without one ... now maybe once a month ... uhmmm ... naw ... will leave that one alone!
Glad to hear that is, all it was tho ... a rant, a vent, a release, better than the alternative!
So he is now apologizing quite bit for his behavior of late. Sounds like a growth spurt to me. After a while, he will begin to notice how much he is doing it and then perhaps start to change his behavior in ways to avoid the apologies. This personal growth stuff to become a better person doesn't come all at once and sometimes learned the "hard" way. It takes a lot of patience on the part of the learned to wait for less-knowing peers to get it.
I know you well enough by now not to panic when I read a "rant" post!
You just give an eloquent and gritty voice to feelings, I think, MOST of us have from time to time.
I think you SHOULD do more things for YOU. Go for dinner after class. Develop new friendships. Do it for YOU...so that your H is not the centre of everything....might just wake him up a touch too!
Quote: now maybe once a month ... uhmmm ... naw ... will leave that one alone!
probably should leave that one alone as this time I don't think it's accurate, but then again in the past there has been a correlation to my feeling crummy about life in general.
glad to at least note that my rants have been limited to about one a month though!! and this one didn't involve any "outbursts" as h likes to call them, no more than a simple conversation about it and that was that. All the other vented "junk" was just my junk and most of it isn't really true, I've learned to keep those crappy thoughts that everything sucks to myself unless of course I share them with you fine folks.
trying to pack for our weekend away the kids are semi cooperating (not making to much of a mess as I try to organize stuff).
LL..anxious to hear how your weekend went...hope you were able to relax and connect alittle..
You are doing so greast..I often think about you and how a year ago you were struggling with such pain and uncertainties..you have come along way..baby!!
How are your classes going..doesn't it feel great to be needed other than by little kids..not that that isn't a great thing..but you need the adult contact too.
the mini vacation was nice. we stayed in a tiny little cabin at a campground. we took in a couple of the family parks up there (story land and a water park) the kids had fun especially son who got to sleep on a top bunk. h and I went on some of the big water slides at the water park, the scenery is always beautiful up there (nh) driving through the notches is always humbling.
But as far as feeling more connected with h as a result of the trip...NOPE infact I am left feeling even more disconnected than before we left.
h is a great dad and a good "family man" when it comes down to it. As far as being a "partner" I just don't feel it from him. there is little conversation of any value in either direction. I'm tired. I feel like I get more emotion from strangers than I do from him.
We did have a joint c session scheduled for last night (we just returned home yesterday afternoon) but I didn't get a sitter so instead of just cancelling I went alone, when I got home at about 9:30 h was already asleep and asked nothing about it...infact he didn't even inqire as to why I wanted to go alone.
Glad you had a great time on your trip..sorry about the feelings about connecting...I was feeling that way tonight..I sometimes wonder who h is..who we have become..and not so much IF we will ever be together again..but will we have anything in common or ever feel the connection if we do get back...I feel so alone from him..have become used to not having him here..
I hope you can find some answer or solution or whatever you need to be happy..it has been a long haul and it gets real easy to want to throw in the towel.
I'm sorry to hear your "disconnect" wasn't aided by your trip LL.
Has H asked about your session yet???? Is he afraid to? SHOULD he be afraid to? Seems to me that being asleep is a pretty good escape (one he uses all too often???)
So did your C have any advice? Help? Words of wisdom? I'm working up the nerve to suggest to CJ that we contact our C again...she kind of shunted us off in early April (5 weeks after bomb #3 )...with a promise to keep us on file for 6 months if need be.
I think we could use a little tune up...but I, too, would be willing to go alone.
)...with a promise to keep us on file for 6 months if need be.