Is your wife on birth control? Several methods are well known for sucking a womans sex drive dry. I lost mine to the Depo shot. It may have cost me my marriage. The hormones can really do a whammy on you. She also may not feel connected to you, or maybe she doesnt feel attractive to you. Maybe you should ask her if it bothers her, or if she has ever talked to her doctor about it, and if she has and they blew her off (like they did me) she needs to insist that they listen to her, or she will find someone who will.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Hey Y'all,
Greetings from Hotlanta. I posted here about 3 years ago, after I found out about an affair my wife had had for 12 years. After some beating up by lots of the posters, I was informed by NOPkins that he did not expect our marriage to survive. We are still together. As far as I can tell, our marriage is sound, but, of course, I still have that doubt in the back of my mind, even after 3 years, "Can I trust her?" We (my wife and I) went thru about a year of therapy with a counselor who seemed to know what he was doing. We still do some checking in about once a week ("Is there anything you want to talk about, is there anything that is bothering you?"). I am struggling with unemployment right now, after 4 months, with no immediate end in sight. Doesn't seem to be an issue with our relationship, although I am not bring in a lot of income, other than UI, which will end in 20-30 weeks. I am working very hard at the job search. Our sex life is very satisfying, although I can see a falling off, mostly I think from aging and physical limitations. All in all, we are still together, and I think NOPkins missed the mark here. Actually, if I had to guess, I would suspect NOPkins is a 12-year old named Myron who lives on Staten Island, who has a giant bank of servers that he keeps secretly in his parents' basement and spins all of these yarns to satisfy some primal control urges. But that's just me.
"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places." - Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms, 1929.
I have some advice for you but first I'll tell you that I am sort of similar to your wife. But I am not depressed, suicidal, etc. or a princess......
But I'm very LD and I don't know why either. My H told me a few times and I didn't do much about it. I thought it would pass. It took him leaving me and having an EA to get through to me. Now I'm seeing a psychologist, investigating possible biological reasons, and working on myself.
My H is also very affectionate and loving. I can't say I have ever really felt unloved but I can also say that I haven't always felt the need to have a lot of love. (Don't know why???)
I will tell you that my H stifled his needs and stayed with me but ended up having an EA (could be PA too but he didn't admit to it) because he became so unhappy. I'm not making excuses for his actions, they were wrong. Obviously he wasn't man enough to deal with our problems. Don't let that happen to you. Insist your W go to counseling to deal with her problems/depression.
I was kind of upset at the first few responses to you - telling you to get out now, cut and run. I felt like if my H got on here, those same people would tell him the same things. (We've only been married 2 years) If he listened to them, then it'd be over for us. Ironically some of those same people are telling me to not reach out to him right now.......
Bottom line is, if you want to work on your marriage, go for it. You just need to get your W to join in and if that takes a separation, then do that. I know it may seem impossible but it might be what it takes to get through to her to make her want to get help. Talking didn't work for me and it doesn't seem to be working for her...
Good luck!
M:36 H:36 M 3 Y T 8 Y No kids Bomb 6/30/08 PA I filed 9/29/09 D final 1/22/2010
