Quote: Does H read any of this stuff you write here??
nope! other than the one time during our seperation that he stumbled upon the site and realized it was me....fessed up and let me know he wouldn't read...he has no incling to read...there have even been times when I've said...go read and see..and he says no.
Quote: So your telling me he-man turns down a quickie??
I imagine you'd be even more stumped if you knew what I looked like.
Quote: Are you guys going out weekly at all.
not with any regularity, but I can tell you that it doesn't matter if we go out on not, just ads to the dissapointment...ya'd think that after a night out..whether it be dinner and a few drinks or just out alone as adults would be set up for something...sometimes it is...sometimes it aint.
Quote: What quality time are you guys doing?
on some evenings h will sit and tell me about his day, vent a bit if you wish...but lately that's about it.
it was a tad easier to deal with when I didn't leave the house....now that I go off to a class (that is 95% male) two nights a week and have it affirmed that I am desireable (guys are not very good at checking women out descretely) it is all the more frustrating to get rejected at home.
h has upgraded his cell phone...same # and all just a newer version of the phone...I've discovered that it is possible and very easy to delete calls from it where the old phone was not. can ya guess I don't like that fact! not that I check much but when I do I don't like seeing that basically an entire day of calls has been deleted.
can ya tell I'm headed down that spiral again....funny thing is I don't care much to "have an episode" as h calls it. let him live in his nice little world where w doesn't have any issues with anything and live in peace, despite the fact that we are probably both brewing inside.
Quote: I imagine you'd be even more stumped if you knew what I looked like. I hope it is better than tony's picture.
Quote: not with any regularity, but I can tell you that it doesn't matter if we go out on not, just ads to the dissapointment.....sometimes it aint. I was wondering, near the last months together, when we did go out, we ended in some kind of stupid arguement, and the night would be ruin, she would say "see we can't even have a nice night out", I do believe though that she was getting ready to WAW, and I did not have a clue.
Quote: h has upgraded his cell phone......I've discovered that it is possible and very easy to delete calls from it where the old phone was not.....I don't like seeing that basically an entire day of calls has been deleted. he can not erase the calls on the bill!!
Quote: can ya tell I'm headed down that spiral again YES!!! Have you considered using the anger letter from Mars/Venus
h pays the bills, the cell phones are part of his business and therefore those bills don't even come to this house...they go directly to his business mail box and then to a filing cabinet at his office...the only way I'd be able to see them would be to take his keys and sneak off another night but honestly it aint worth my trouble.
Quote: Have you considered using the anger letter from Mars/Venus
no point! letting h know in any terms that I am not satisfied with anything is just recipie for disaster and ya know what? I'd rather just act like all is well...if by now he is still to dumb to figure it out well then f him.
HAVE been getting along...and still nothing, nada, zip!!!!
Crap!
Well at least he's making dinner right now, and I have a glass of wine. Could be worse!
who the heck knows? starting to wonder if I'd just find something else to complain about it "that" area were going well.
so I think it's about time I got back to my three positives to help me out of this slump...
I will admit though I enjoy emt class and the prospect of going out and helping people...it's putting stress on me and the not being around h is adding to my downess.
I said possitives didn't I.
1. I believe I was just called dear by h (he's so damn subtle about things I'm not sure.)
2. asked h if he wanted to do anything tonight, he said he'd at least stay awake and we'll figure it out later.
3. convinced son yesterday to let me put them in the sport carraige and go roller blading on the trail.
that was a pathetic attempt at reaching for possitives...perhaps as the day goes on and I wake up a bit more (I don't like being woken up too early and dd has taken to jumping on my head somewhere around 5 am lately) I'll come up with better ones.
realizing that being tired has a negative effect on dbing.
I am tired to the point of being slightly disoriented (what mother of two little ones isn't exhausted?!). this emt course is adding to my stress, dd is climbing out of her crib and showing up in my bed (jumping up and down on my head) at 4:30 AM! I'm spent!! that tends to bring a persons pma down wich tends to effect the way one feels others perceive them, wich tends to lead toward a spiraling negative attitude about ones life.
I need a nap!
but I'll be better...perhaps we can get the kids to bed before 9pm tonight and then h and I can fall asleep on the couch...no resentment if there is no "action" tonight I think I'm too tired too!
To answer your question Poe...CJ's Dad passed away before we got married, only met him a couple of times. His mom is still alive, very nice, don't know her all that well either. Interestingly, when I told CJ's sisters about our sitch last winter, the oldest confessed to me that his Dad had had a drinking problem, was abusive at times and left to work in BC...where he found an OW and stayed for 6 months before coming home!!!!! CJ has no recall of any of this. It seems to be their family way to "cover up" the nastiness.
CJ's family doesn't seem very "deep" in that mostly things are kept at a surface "ha ha" level. (Unlike MY family where everything is discussed...very touchy feely).
LL it IS frustrating, isn't it when other men appreciate our looks and sexiness, but not our H's! I told CJ about that note I found in my car door on Wed ( U R HOTTT...Georgous!!)...he thought it was creepy, I said...well at least SOMEONE noticed!!
And then last night: great dinner, wine, music, conversation.....chaste kiss goodnight . HELP!!!
Quote: h pays the bills, ...then to a filing cabinet at his office...the only way I'd be able to see them ..take his keys ..sneak... aint worth my trouble. Then tell him, it would make you feel better, to see the bill
Quote: "Have you considered using the anger letter from Mars/Venus"
"no point! letting h know in any terms that I am not satisfied with anything is just recipie for disaster and ya know what? I'd rather just act like all is well...if by now he is still to dumb to figure it out well then f him."
I disagree, you say he looked at your threads on this BB, and said he would not look agin, he was too overwhelm to read them.
But using the anger letter would be small doses, I feel he could handle that better than your brooding. You think he ain't getting it, your right, he needs constant directions till it becomes habit.
XW runs a mail order parts department. 1 year before S, She casually mentioned over supper that the UPS guy was hitting on her. Why did she tell me that?
I told CJ about that note I found in my car door on Wed ( U R HOTTT...Georgous!!)...he thought it was creepy, I said...well at least SOMEONE noticed!!