I realize that is his mother and he loves her, but why does he always see his DDs "faults" and not his mother's!
Why do you keep asking 'Why?".
It's because he's a pampered, self-indulgent mama's boy who has crappy relationships with his kids. If your SIL (2 divorces) is any indication of how your MIL "raised them kids right", it's no wonder your H is failing you and your daughters: the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. You MIL pays more attention to your husband's mistress than to her own grand-daughters. This is beyond Jerry Springer, Yoyo. You married into quite a family.
I also think you avoided my other question about changing the game with your husband. Let me briefly revisit it again.
Your making yourself available to him again. He feels perfectly comfortable sitting with you at game and complaining about your daughter's behavior. (which is implying you aren't raising them right to respect his "sainted" mother.) You agree with him, and say, "Yes Dear." and demurely change the subject.
All the while his mother, their grand mother, has PUBLICLY cozied up their father's mistress. And this is supposed to be OK? It's freaking insane. They should replace the Sopranos with something based on your husband's family: The Real McCoy's or maybe, Bubba Knows Best or Bubba thinks below the belt.
Why didn't you bring up his mother's behavior? "You know X, I think your mother has some nerve inviting your mistress to go shopping, yet ingnoring her own grand-daughters?" Or how about this, "Well, X, the reason why our daughter isn't too keen on calling her grandmother is that she's become friends with your mistress, who is breaking up our marriage."
OK, you get my point.
You are asking "Why self-centered, immoral man, who is cheating on you, raised by a woman with no moral compass, who openly embraces his mistress, will take his mother's side in a family squabble?"
Exactly what are you expecting from him or your MIL? Accept that they are not bound by rules of decent, ethical behavior. Your MIL would have made a great mother of a mob-boss. I see her kissing Al Capone on the forhead saying, "what a good boy" while knows he has a mistress, extorts money, steals and kills people for living.
My prognosis: this way beyond a MLC. This is a deep character issue. He's acting in accordance to the way he was raised. Bad root, bad fruit. His world view tells him he's acting normally. This isn't a fog. THIS IS WHO IS REALLY IS. I don't think he was ever an involved, loving father, or for that matter an intentionally faithful husband. I think, if he remained faithful up till now it's because he hasn't had the energy or opportunity to stray. Personally, I think, and your proabably suspect, he's probably cheated on you at least once before.
You are waiting for him to get out of his fog?. I don't think he's in one. I think he's being 100% of who he really is.
Maybe you are hoping he will learn that straying doesn't pay, or that it's not all it's cracked up to be. Maybe you waiting for him to show up at your church, answer an altar call and weepingly repent while the pianist plays, "Just as I am".
What are you waiting for? Your real husband to come back? You've got the real one. I think the description of the man who cheated on you is consistent with the man you have married to all these years. This isn't temporary insanity, this is who is he and where he has come from. He's not in a MLC.
He needs to radcially change into someone he's never been before.
Sorry, Yoyo. That's what this Yankee sees.
I love and respect you. Hope this didn't come off too harsh.
