I haven't been around for awhile, and when I get back and read up on your thread, I swear we are living dual lives!! I can find no correlation to anything...it is not what I wear or say or do...time of day or day of week...it is simply random and it's very annoying!!!!!!
You're right, it has absolutely nothing to do with you. My H is the exact same way. I could come on to him all night and he would either not notice or just ignore if he wasn't feeling it. The crazy part is that when all this crap started with us, one of the things he brought up is that we would sometimes go a couple of weeks without intimacy!! Inside I was positively screaming WAKE UP!!!!!!!!! Reject me enough and I stop initiating!!!!!!
Anyway, enough about me...I hope your day has bee good!
Erin
"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing."
-George Bernard Shaw
I was pleasantly surprised last night...h fell asleep on the couch (I could have fallen asleep there too but made myself get up and go up to bed, h was following but apparently couldn't get up, no biggie) at about 4 am he did make it upstairs at wich time he cuddled me and once again tried to stay as close as possible...not simply the old leg laid over my legs as a means of connection, but actually putting his head on my pillow.
some of you may recall that a while ago he was doing this...now it's back again...I'm not going to worry about why it stopped as it could be any number of things and trying to figure it out would be a waist of my time. key is to not get all freaked out when it goes away for a while as long as it comes back.
I know that h is fertilizing again (there are at least 2 applications throughout the season) wich means that he will have to go to ow's house...I don't assume he will let me know when he does and honestly I don't care.
things are great with one exception...sex...desire...I am getting tired of watching this man looking all tan and tone and fine come into my house and wanting him...knowing that more likely than not I'll be denied..but what really irritates me is that he does not look at me that way...or at least he doesn't let it be known to me.
Quote: I get really tired of this. it has been an issue for the better part of our r not just our marriage and not just a result of the sit or the entrance of ow into the pic (h had started to withdraw sexually long before she moved to town) Some question come to mind, when does he like sex, morning or eveing, m-f or weekends. Are you guys going on weekly dates? If not force yourselves to go, it takes a while for this to become normal.
Does H percieve you as controling? A guy likes to think he is in control. Does he know about the 10 touches a day rule?
You say he is aware of the LOVE TANK concept, so is he asking daily if it is being filled. In my mind this would be very hard for him to ask, so a system might be is he holds up as many fingers as his tank is and you do the same. Or some other private system. For instance, let say you are not happy over something and instead of talking you hold up 3 fingers, he instantly knows how full you love tank is and will fix it. Not right away, he will have to think on it. M/V cave time.
Quote: I can find no correlation to anything....it is simply random and it's very annoying!!!!!! almost makes me not enjoy it when it does happen becuase I don't know where it is comming from and when it will happen again. arg!!! Are you sure, maybe keep a diary of him, for at least a month. Then check it for your corelation. I am a low D person, and my favorite was sunday morning, I did not like it in the eveing, she was the opposite. she like it in the eveing. Also somewhere in her mid-fourties her sex drive when way up. She said she could have it every day. And she complained that it was not long enough, she stated her girlfriend had 2 1/2 hour or more sessions. Our were usally around an hour. Now not to say she did not O, in fact she O continuously and I would get tired before her. So there were times I just ignore her advance because I was not up to making love that long. A quicke would have been fine.
As a side note my LF is the same way her drive when way up in her mid forties. She also likes to wake her parner up by suction. If you get my drift.
I will let you know a secret, most guys would be fine with a quickee only. One of natures cruel jokes, after a guys O's a sleep hormone is released.
Quote: Are you sure, maybe keep a diary of him, for at least a month. Then check it for your corelation.
really not worth it, there is no correlation. no connection to what I wear, time of day, day of week, time spent together (dates or otherwise) time of year, place, etc etc....there really is no correleation to anything...it's all random and that is what is most frustrating about it...could be every night for a week...could be nothing for a few weeks.
tired of focussing any engery on thinking about it anymore...I know what I am and know that it has nothing to do with me. it is h's issue and until he realizes how much of a problem it actually creates he will do nothing about it and heck even if he does realize the problems it creates all he can seem to do is appologize...sometimes I think I married a woman. but then I know alot of women with higher drives than he's got. how many men would say no to a quickie? how many men would be to tired let their woman please them (I think you all know what I mean by that).
oh well.
I'll do my best to not let resentment build up...but in reading some of the threads in the ssm forum I know that a side effect of that is loosing the desire for him....then there'd be real trouble...but as I said it's not important enough to him to even have a conversation about it that produces some kind of solution so my only hope is that my drive doesn't get any higher...if I were a man I think I'd be walking around with a semi all day every day as is.
Laughed out loud at your post to "theman" in Newcomers....not so much because it was funny but because it was SO smart and concise. Don't know what I'm trying to day here other than I thought your few word answer to him was brilliant.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Poe you had some really good advice there. But I, like LL see no pattern, in fact since CJ has been "working" on the attention, physical side of things (a MAJOR love tank for me) we've made love...oh, a total of 2 times? I'm talking since MARCH!!!!
AS for the quickies....bring 'em on! ...I just find no end to the irony that I have a somewhat "masculinized brain" (find porn a big turn on, fantasize visuals, take very little time to warm up, can "get there" in minutes, time of day...no dif..lights on, all the better)...while in an M with a guy who seems to have little sex drive and even less inclination to be physical with me! HE's the one who says he "can't feel that way" if we're not getting along....(the reason for the dirth of sex pre OW) but we HAVE been getting along...and still nothing, nada, zip!!!!
Crap!
Well at least he's making dinner right now, and I have a glass of wine. Could be worse!
Quote: it is h's issue and until he realizes how much of a problem it actually creates he will do nothing about it and heck even if he does realize the problems it creates all he can seem to do is appologize...sometimes I think I married a woman. So your telling me he-man turns down a quickie??
...I just find no end to the irony that I have a somewhat "masculinized brain" (find porn a big turn on, fantasize visuals, take very little time to warm up, can "get there" in minutes, time of day...no dif..lights on, all the better)...while in an M with a guy who seems to have little sex drive and even less inclination to be physical with me! HE's the one who says he "can't feel that way" if we're not getting along....(the reason for the dirth of sex pre OW) but we HAVE been getting along...and still nothing, nada, zip!!!!