I was thinking to myself how she would rather sit outside on the curb than in a comfortable chair indoors to wait if that means being in my presence. She can't stand me that much. But then she was obviously playing the love-sick adolescent girl talking to her "boyfriend" on her cell-phone again.
Hi NC....
I've only had time lately for hit and runs so I'm just now getting caught up on your thread.
This quote jumped out at me. You're so right about the "adolescent" thing. I too hardly recognized my once responsible and loving husband. When I think back now to the way he acted (and still acts) it amazes me. You have to remember that she is a very damaged person and this is not damage that you could have done to her. They say that these spouses go back to where their emotional growth stopped. With mine it was easy to trace. Since he has Mother problem, and was never allowed to have the freedom that most adoescents demand, he landed smack dab in the mid-teens. What was interesting was that at the time I had a 17 year old son who was outgoing and popular, all of the things his Dad had never been. Slowly there became an obvious "sibling rivalry". I say this now looking back, but at the time I was messed up and confused by the whole thing. I write this because we seem to take on the idea that it's us that our spouses "can't stand". They do act that way so we buy it, but really it's way bigger than us, we just happen to be the ones who right now stand in their way. Don't be so hard on yourself. This would have happened no matter who she was with.
You have done so much right. The love that you show your boys is amazing, and in the future this is where your greatest satisfaction & payoff will be. Our kids need us more now than they ever had, but we also need them, and that's what gets us through this.
I'm happy to hear that you had such a great Divorce Care group. I did as well and they have also become a very important part of my healing as well as my social life. We definitely do form bonds with them!
Take care of yourself. I hope healthwise your feeling better. I know that my emotional health played a big part on the physical and that just plain sucked!
