ILY, I can't come home, and I'm not happy

[istherehope]

Hi Jen,

From what I understand about the average WAH, he is riddled with guilt, I know mine is... I don't know if you feel like your XH is at all going through an MLC, but yesterday I spent a lot of time on the boards going through happy_again's post. He was an MLCer, who was VERY honest with his posts. It was shocking to read them, but gave some insight into the way that some of our men must be feeling. He started very negative, but found his way back to his W. I feel like I learned a lot from reading through his posts. If you haven't, you might find them interesting. I think the most important thing is to SHOW that there is no reason for your WAH to feel guilty, that you understand, and that you are not being hurt. I know this is easier said than done, but since you have such constant contact, I think you are in a really good position to do this. With a child together too, I really believe that he will come to his senses even quicker if you can stay the course for a few months with no backslides :).

Don't TELL him that you want him to come home, but make your home so nice, so happy, so bright that it is clearly the best choice for him. Of course he also needs to feel that he deserves to be there, and this is the hardest part it seems. Do you compliment him and praise him very often? Do you go out of your way to make him feel like he is adding value to your life?

Hope you are doing better today,

ITH