Donna - FWIW - I had the opposite experience, almost. I was still stuck in putting my husband and kids first; in retrospect, H would have been happier if I had been more selfish and put myself first more often.
I say "almost" because the tipping point did happen when I was sick and unable to cater to him quite as much as I had before.
You know - the bottom line is, it usually isn't about US at all, but about them and their problems.
