Yes, he is not a liar. He is a confronter and will just not tell me stuff he doesn't want me to know. He confronted me and said he wasn't hiding with her at all. And at one point a male friend had called me and he found out about it and was all excited, told me he knew I would hook up before him, and that was only a few months ago.
I agree, we all are blindsided by this. I am trying to turn a corner today, I have had literally one of the worst weeks of my life. He and my kids are with OW down the shore where I should be. So all day I have been on online dating. Probably for the wrong reasons, but at this point it has been a needed distraction. Plentyoffish.com. Free. Something to do or laugh at anyway.
Me 43 H 44 S-13 D-9 Separated 90 days 6/28/05 H Says he is done-10/2/06-day after 18th anniv Moved out 10/2/07-to father's house-day after 19th wedding anniv-GF now H Filed for D 7/08
I am so sorry that he is doing this right in front of you. I should be thankful that mine is not seeing her anymore but I am still so mad at him. It is like living with stranger. I never thought a friend would act this way so I guess I use that as an excuse. I am not sure how I would feel if he had introduced her to my kids. It is bad enough that my daughter knows about the affair.
Have a better week!
M:38 H:42 T:20 M:19 D:18 S:17 MLC: Sometime in 2007 OW Bomb 1: 12/28/07 OW Online relationship 2: Spring 2009 Told him I wanted D: May 10, 2009 D final: 07/09/11
Kelly: I just never thought the man I married, cherished and respected would ever do this. Mine is talking to me and he wants to make it work but I am not so sure anymore.
I know what you mean, you have a lot of anger just like me, I had no choice, told W we could work it out, but she was unwilling, so I told her to get out. I have been trying to work through my anger
You on the other hand have a choice, have you made any decisions about trying to make your marriage work. Forgiving, getting over the anger and being able to trust again is going to be tuff.
I hope everything works out for you and you find happiness again
M45 W41 M10 3/4 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 Date I'll forgive W for A = never
Hi Jeff, thanks for checking in. I took on a part time job, on top of my full time one, when I found out about the affair and have been working a lot this week, tax free weekend here and lots of back to school shopping. I was ready to boot him out and take care of me and the kids myself. Still too scared to quit it since I am not sure if we will stay married or not.
I have barely talked to hubby in the last week. He is working overtime, nights, and I am focusing on getting the kids ready for school, eye doctor appts, clothes shopping, etc.
I have not made any decisions. We go to counseling Wednesday evening and last week it was a big blow up. I am not over the anger at all I guess. It is not even about her anymore. I told him that if she died, things would still be the same between us. He does not understand that. He thinks she was the problem, when the real problem is us.
He kisses me bye and hello when he leaves for work and gets home from work. Besides that there is no touching at all. The other night he decided he wanted to ML but I disagreed. How can he touch me only when he wants sex and think I will be okay with that? It made me really anger.
And today is our wedding anniversary. 17 years. He got home at 8, gets off work at 6, gave a lame excuse about being late and went straight to bed without even mentioning it. Jerk.
M:38 H:42 T:20 M:19 D:18 S:17 MLC: Sometime in 2007 OW Bomb 1: 12/28/07 OW Online relationship 2: Spring 2009 Told him I wanted D: May 10, 2009 D final: 07/09/11
I think its great your H is remorseful and wants to work things out. Have you heard of Retroville? I am not spelling it correctly but if you google it or look it up on here, you'll find some good reading.
I am so sorry this happened to you. Its so painful, beyond words sometimes.
I am not over the anger at all I guess. It is not even about her anymore. I told him that if she died, things would still be the same between us. He does not understand that. He thinks she was the problem, when the real problem is us.
He kisses me bye and hello when he leaves for work and gets home from work. Besides that there is no touching at all. The other night he decided he wanted to ML but I disagreed. How can he touch me only when he wants sex and think I will be okay with that? It made me really anger.
And today is our wedding anniversary. 17 years. He got home at 8, gets off work at 6, gave a lame excuse about being late and went straight to bed without even mentioning it. Jerk.
Hi Kelly, sorry you're here, but it's a good place to be for what you're going through. You guys sound a lot like me & H. Except I had the OM. When I first came here I was so angry & didn't think I'd ever get over it.
If you click on my story below, it'll get you started reading my first few threads. If you want....
Just wanted to say hi, & you're not alone.
Hugs
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
I went with a friend to see this movie last night...bad idea...hit way too close to home. The movie was not really that good but makes sense if your spouse has had an affair, and then it is too close to home to enjoy..at least it was for me. I was angry all over again at myself for not kicking him out back then. Do any of the rest of you feel that way? Why can't I get over this? I really do not think we will ever be able to stay married until he leaves. I feel like i will never be satisfied with him again until I prove to myself that I can make it without him and am not just letting him stay here because I am afraid of being alone.
M:38 H:42 T:20 M:19 D:18 S:17 MLC: Sometime in 2007 OW Bomb 1: 12/28/07 OW Online relationship 2: Spring 2009 Told him I wanted D: May 10, 2009 D final: 07/09/11
Journaling - lying in bed trying to fall asleep. The longer I lie here, the angrier I become. I am so close to asking husband to move out. We have fallen back into the same behaviors we had before his affair. I want to make a life on my own. I do not want him in my life anymore. I am tired of the pain he is causing me.
What suffering has he done through all this? I am the only one suffering here. I hate him so much right now, I want to call him and tell him to come home from work so I can give him a cussing. What is up with me?
M:38 H:42 T:20 M:19 D:18 S:17 MLC: Sometime in 2007 OW Bomb 1: 12/28/07 OW Online relationship 2: Spring 2009 Told him I wanted D: May 10, 2009 D final: 07/09/11
I sent him an email and told him to read it when he got home this morning, when I was on my way out of the door. I told him that I was having a difficult time, I do not feel that much has changed and I am lonely. I also talked about our lack of sex, his unwillingness to spend time with me and my anger that is building up because of all this. He read the email but did not even respond. I am shouting out to him for help and he does not even respond. Why do I even care anymore? I am so angry at him. When he said he wanted to stay married, that is all he wanted. He did not mean that he wanted a better marriage, he just did not want a divorce...argh!
M:38 H:42 T:20 M:19 D:18 S:17 MLC: Sometime in 2007 OW Bomb 1: 12/28/07 OW Online relationship 2: Spring 2009 Told him I wanted D: May 10, 2009 D final: 07/09/11
I just sent him another email. He did not reply to my previous email. This one said...I was really hurt that you did not even respond to my email. This is what I really wish you would have said.....and told him my thoughts.
He is off the next two nights but I have to work both of them. Another week of us not dealing with our problems.
M:38 H:42 T:20 M:19 D:18 S:17 MLC: Sometime in 2007 OW Bomb 1: 12/28/07 OW Online relationship 2: Spring 2009 Told him I wanted D: May 10, 2009 D final: 07/09/11
I had no choice, told W we could work it out, but she was unwilling, so I told her to get out. I have been trying to work through my anger