Quote: A couple of observations, then I'll let up.
greg, you don't have to let up, I need a good beating once in a while.
Quote: You very quickly evaded the comment about talking to a C and turned back to H and what he needs to do.
didn't mean to evade. I understand the usefullness of a c to help one sort out there misc issues, the understanding the whats and why's of the way we are. I know the whats and why's of the way I am...I know I am x becuase of a, p becuase of o. I have been aware of these things for a long time, a c would only tell me what I tell myself, heck my c told me I should become a c so what does that tell ya (I did minor in counseling in college and my main study was human services).
here's a little bit of back info.
during seperation I realized that I let my insecurities be h's responsiblity, or rather expected him to make me feel less insecure...I informed h of this fact.
I know what I need to do, I need to tell myself to shut the hell up and look at myself there is no need to be insecure about anything "you're good enough, you're smart enough, and gosh darn it people like you!" I do ok most of the time, better than ok other times, when it becomes something I "need" or rather "want" from h is when I don't feel that he thinks it. I suppose that if I really were addressing it myself it wouldn't matter? na I think we all want a bit of reassurance from our spouses and that is why I direct it in his direction.
Quote: If you have goals for this R, and I'm sure you do; does H know about them? Does he agree to them? Has it all been laid out that this is the direction you need to go?
not on paper, but yes and h probably knows them better than I do. some things he can and will do and also agrees to. others he surprises me (and probaly himself too) by starting with the "that's just not me" attitude, my letting it go and whala the next thing ya know that's him. ie. suggesting we as a family go on a few weekend vacations this summer, suggesting we as a couple go on a vacation this fall/winter.
Quote: Every time you think about OW, you're taking another step deeper into that cheeseless tunnel. Do you forgive and move forward or not? Only you can decide that. Do you love - unconditionally - or not? That is your choice and no one else's. If you have decided to forgive, then DO IT. It doesn't mean you forget it forever, but it is something you choose to not obsess on anymore.
I forgive him, I forgive him, I forgive him...doesn't mean I still can't get a little sad about it now and then! it seems now when I think of ow it is not an anger it is a big question mark. were they meant to be...do we belong together? can we make eachother happy? I don't know! it's a bunch of bs and just more of my insecurity again I assume. but I do forgive him.
Quote: You may be holding expectations for H that he cannot meet, or is unaware of the depth of your feelings about them.
he doesn't think he can, but has shown me over and over that when he wants to...he excedes those expectations.
Quote: Try a little reflection, look at LL from H's POV. What is the message you are sending? Clingy, needy, insecure??
sure sometimes that is what he sees and I appologize for it, h most often understands and is comforting. the rest of the time he sees the exact opposite. trying to find the happy medium is the trick and believe me it's tricky.
