ponderings

[holdingon]

Easier to think that they were in so much pain that by the time they figured out what they were doing was wrong the pain relief it was providing was so significant that they couldn't stop?

I think this may be going on with my H. He had no complaints about our M before he had his A. And when he started his A the guilt was so bad that he immediately started rationalizing his behavior by telling me how much he hated me and wanted someone/something else. The A continues too.

LL, I tell myself what I have, a beautiful home and boys and also am not working, although I am thinking about it very much. But my family is not whole, we all miss H very much, except the old H is gone, replaced with a very selfish, me, me, me H all the time. The holding on and waiting is so hard, and really doesn't seem to get any easier for me.