Just saying hi. Was having some troubles today and picked back up a book you recommended a LONG time ago at the first of my sitch - No More Mr. Nice Guy. The message meant a lot more to me now than it did then. So wanted to say thanks for the suggestion.
You're welcome! I was thinking of you the other day; how have you been? How are things going?
People on here have a hard time believing me when I tell them that I am a LONG time, classic "Mr. Nice Guy"/pleaser/rescuer. NONE of this "tough stance" stuff comes naturally to me.
I got the controlling speech when I caught him red handed both times. After the first A when I couldn't trust him and started looking at phone bills, emails, etc and he would have to check in with me where he went he said that he is a "big boy" and shouldn't have to ask permission or tell me where he was going.
For the second A, it was that I needed to get a life and move on. He said I would just push my next husband away because of all the snooping. Well if you wouldn't have cheated on me and lied to me then I wouldn't be doing this!!!!
I never in the time we were together ever controlled him. I trusted him more than anything. He broke that trust and from his actions up to this point he doesn't want to fix it.
Me35/H35 D16/SS14 M-1yr/known H 18yrs 1st Bomb: 4/26 OW35 2nd Bomb: 8/17 OW21 Moved out 8/21/08 H filed D on 9/9/08
God determines who walks into your life...it's up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.
I got the controlling speech when I caught him red handed both times. After the first A when I couldn't trust him and started looking at phone bills, emails, etc and he would have to check in with me where he went he said that he is a "big boy" and shouldn't have to ask permission or tell me where he was going.
Nope. He shouldn't. He also "shouldn't" have had an affair, but he did, so now he gets to deal with the consequences of it, and one of those consequences is, YOU don't trust him, so in order to trust him, this is what he gets to do now.
For the first time I got the "you are trying to control me" when I told my W I was splitting our bank accounts and would not pay for the cell phone or house phone. I told her that I would not pay for anything that had to do with her contacting OM. She was livid threw her phone against the door, yelling, crying ect.
Sometimes she amuses me with the way she thinks about things. Some of the things she says are way off the wall.
A warrior does not give up on what he loves, he finds the love in what he does
just dropping by to say hi. I gotta tell you, after trying to post in 'surviving' for awhile, i've come to appreciate once again the advice and support i received here. you never focused on how great things used to be on this board and how crappy things are now, but how you can help the newcomers.
Thanks for continuing to offer that help and support. It's what makes this place work.
Hey lodo, the drama over in Surviving is almoast as bad as some of this sitches themselves. Crazy!
Puppy is a blessing to us all. Thanks Pup.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
NONE of this "tough stance" stuff comes naturally to me.