You know if you think that you can do this and communicate with her in a calm and cordial manner then by all means talk to her about whatever it is that she wants to work out. If she is the least bit abusive or volatile, say it through your lawyer. What you don't want is for her to get crazy (or crazier) and use that against you later.
You know all of this junk that she's throwing at you is all very normal. She wants you to share in the blame and even better get you to question how much you really tried. The thing with her not wanting to deal with the house or even the kids is because she has been checked out for a very longtime. I'm sure with everything you had on your plate, and because of the way they conceal their disatisfaction, you probably couldn't have known how bad it really was.
The problem you face now is that no matter what you do, you can't win, she won't let you. When they get this far they are determined that nothing will ruin their plan. It really has very little to do with you except for the fact that you are in her way.
Chin up....it takes a while but it does get better!
