Thanks guys. Hit another speed bump yesterday but I plowed straight through it...
H and I had a bit of an argument after church, he got mad when I thought there was no reason to....we were walking out into the church parking lot, it is the church where we got married, and where his parents attend. We hadn't been to that church since Christmas (we have been going somewhere else since we moved back). Several people stopped me b/c my picture had been in the paper (SMALL town!) for being a new teacher. I was talking to 2 people at the same time, H piped in and asked if I wanted to go eat w/his mom and dad. I was trying to answer the other 2 people asking about my job. By the time they walked away, H's parents had driven off.
H said he told them we were just going home. I said, "I wish you had waited for my answer, I am hungry and would have wanted to go eat". H gets all huffy and calls them immediately and says we will meet them in town for lunch (the church is out in the country 10 min from town). Then H says he is tired of being w/his parents, we were there last night for supper and he was going back out to check cows....I said then you should have said that--he says, "I did, I told them no, then you said you wanted to go"...
It was one of those dumb things, he said I NEVER listen to him, I said "I dont like words like Always/Never".
From out of nowhere S6 pipes in:
OH no. Here we go again.
I felt sick, H looked upset. S continues,
This is just like in Kansas City when we couldn't live together anymore.
I looked away, I was crying. H said, "Buddy we live in Iowa now. We always will. You will go to school here all the days until you graduate, ok?"
Anyway we both felt like crap, as soon as we disagreed S thought we were splitting up again.
Later when we talked H said he feels he can't ever critcize me, offer opinions, disagree, etc. b/c I say that means he doesn't accept me. I said that it is a chicken/egg thing. Because I want him to say, "I am here now and forever. We are going to be married always, I am not going anywhere". THEN I will feel "safe" with him criticizing me or whatever. B/C at this point I still feel like each time he does, he is creating a list of reasons to leave again. He has not said "I am here no matter what", and I want that from him.
Conversely, H feels like he cannot commit to forever IF I am going to get bent out of shape every time he makes any negative type of comment. So I guess we each want the other to make the move we want them to make first...
Ironically (or not) H chose our dialogue topic last night. It was "What stands in the way of my committing myself 100% to a future with you? How do I feel about my answer?"
