This conversation was all over the place, it was really hard to transcribe. Ther are some things I could have done better...
W called me Sat. and I told her about some bills I couldn't pay. I told her I was concerned about her spending and that I felt taken advantage of that she was spending our money on gas to go cheat on me.
I ended the previous conversation, before it lead to more more R talk.
But there is more...
A few hours later she calls back and I answer. It's about the kids but she asks how I am, I answer vaguely and ask how she is, she says she is feeling guilty and that she thinks that I'm torturing myself. She tells me that she is better now, even when she's lonely and that I seem better/happier too, especially physically. She begins to deny her involvement with the OM saying, "it's not like that." and laments that she can't convince me. She informs me that she was almost getting into a relationship recently with OM#2 but broke it off because it was getting to serious and that nothing Physical happened with him. She doesn't like that I think things are going on. I say, "but it's true.", she says , "No, it's not."
I switch the topic back to finances and tell her that I don't think our joint bill paying arrangement is going to work. I tell her that I have to stand up for myself and that I can't pay for her bills. She gets very angry and defensive and reminds me how she gave me one of her paychecks to pay a joint bill. I tell her I appreciated that.
She tells me that we are never getting back together. I tell her that I'm sorry she feels that way and that I won't stand in the way of if that's what she wants. She says that she has tried to be fair about everything and that she could have gone to a L and gotten alimony and then I really would be paying her bills but that she didn't because she doesn't think that's fair.
I pretty much just listen and say I'm sorry she feels that way. I tell her that I understand that she is afraid that things would go back to being like they were, but I wish we could say we at least tried. She says they would. Then she asks about our physical relationship. She says that she wouldn't mind being with me as a friend but doesn't want to be with me physically. With difficulty I decide to get off the phone.
She calls me one more time a bit later but I don't answer. Her message was about something for the kids.
Me:34 W:31 d's 5 & 10 M: 5 years, T: 8, Bomb1 3/8/08,#2:3/28/08 Asked 4 D:4/19/08, discovered PA 5/8/08,W moved out 6/30/08 W pregnant by OM: 2/17/08
