Hire an attorney IMMEDIATELY! You have to get the support. Do not waste one more minute. It is TOTALLY separate from your issues of wanting him back. That is nothing you can do about. But he is counting on you to not stand up to him. And to not stand up for your rights. That is ridiculous.
Take care of you and your son. Let your H be. Going dark can work but there's not a huge chance that it will. Contacting him will probably be even MORE counterproductive.
Get legal advice on this. Over the advice of your friends. Over the advice of anyone else. The attorney will tell you what to do about the D papers. You have to do SOMETHING.
Forget the OW. You have no control over her. Let her do whatever she wishes - you can't stop that.
Your H is an Ass - would you really want him back? Seriously? Over 3 years is a long long time to wait and when he stopped the support he KNEW you would be forced to do something. That is abuse of power. What kind of husband is that?
OK, pick up the phone right now and call an attorney. It doesn't mean you will get divorced but it does mean you are taking back the control.
