Stella, Great to have you back. You are sounding so strong. It's wonderful!!! Your H is definitely not out of the tunnel. It's so easy to develop expectations when he's paying you so much attention. Enjoy your time catching up with your old friends. You deserve it.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
It's so easy to develop expectations when he's paying you so much attention.
Well, it's going to become easier, as he stopped calling ( ).
(((Forrest))),
Quote:
Stop doing that... fake it a time or two.. see what happens.
I had no idea I was doing it! But, of course, he is "reading" me. My only chance is to stop feeling it - whatever it is. Hope, expectations. Drop the rope. (Bad Stella! Drop it. Drop it now!).
I have a welcome-home-party tonight. Ended up calling fewer friends than I wanted to initially.
((((HUGS)))))
Last edited by stella_k; 09/12/0812:56 PM.
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
the party was ok. Not great, as there were awkward moments, but I enjoyed it nevertheless.
H has disappeared for two days. He called me yesterday around midnight, I was in bed and told him so. He apologized for waking me up (he didn't as I have trouble sleeping, but I chose not to tell him). He said he was away, at his M's house, helping her and just came back, didn't notice it was that late. My reaction was: whatever.
I told him that D17 sent an e-mail and she wanted US to give her a call. Now, if you remember, H and I agreed on not telling her about US, not yet anyway. So I've told H that I'm going to deal with D and explain somehow that dad is not here at the moment. H didn't respond. Then we spoke about something else and I brought up the phone call again. This time H asked what time am I going to call her. When I told him, something like6-7 PM, he said, I don't know for sure, but may be I'll come over and we can make the call together. I said ok.
When I woke up, I kept thinking about his hesitation and how he said "may be". I ended up calling D. It went well, she didn't really ask where is dad, and he is not the type to call often, he'd rather send an e-mail. After that, I tried to call him on his cell to tell him there is no need to come over and - surprise! - such number does not exist anymore. I sent an e-mail - and it was returned to me, host unknown! Did he change his cell number and e-mail address without telling me? Even though I didn't call him ONCE since we came back and have only sent him one message concerning our D? Has he finally gone completely mad ?
Well, don't know, don't care.
If he calls, I'm going to tell him not to come, that's all.
I'm not as composed and calm as I was a week ago, but I've just had to tell about a dozen friends we're no longer together. For some it was a shocking revelation, the others have heard rumors or even met the Spider. One of them has known Spider for years and told me such horrible things about her, I was shocked. They had a short A, and the guy walked away from her in disgust. He kept repeating: HER and your H? Impossible! He also told me that it cannot last, unnatural as it is. He was stunned to find out, that it lasts for about 18 months now. He actually made me laugh when he said: but... They have to TALK sometimes, don't they? What can they possibly TALK about? Well, strangely, it didn't bring any relieve. Dumped for something like that... Feels good .
Anyway, I still think I'm doing ok. No more crying, that's for sure.
And - lots of GALing ahead of me. Next week sounds very busy .
(((Hugs))) to all.
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
Wow Stella - Spider gets around. I'm sure your friend can fill you in on what she's really like. That is strange re H's email and cell phone no longer working.
You continue to grow stronger and stronger every day. I am proud of you.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
He changed neither. I don't know what was wrong with the e-mail (the next one went through ok), but the cell was my mistake, didn't dial it correctly .
H called yesterday, saying he cannot make it. I"ve told him there is no need and I've sent you e-mail, didn't you check it. He said no, didn't have time . He sounds calm and - sigh - content. Then again, I sound calm and content too :)!
(((hugs)))
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
Remember, you do not know what is really going on in his mind. I find it interesting that he is doing everything in his power to avoid telling D what is going on. You sound wonderful, and I believe you are calm and content, not just faking it.
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
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