JUST USED LRT-WHAT DO I DO NOW???

[Sanderika]

Good Morning Barb, Butterflymom & Glamgirl,

I just received a post note that says "FINAL NOTICE". The divorce papers will be sent back to my H on Thurs. 9/18 if I don't claim them first.

I need advice.

I have not heard from H since he dropped S12 off here at home on Sat. 9/6. I described that encounter in a post above on this page. I have not heard "boo" and neither has S12. I believe he was with the OW all weekend, most likely in her neck of the woods about an hour from here because all was quite at our shop where H lives all weekend and no one in town saw or heard from him.

My friends here (all 8 of them) think that I should go get the papers and throw the ball even faster into H's court. "THEY" think that way H will be forced to face what his OW B***H has done and cannot carry on in the mode of complacency any longer.

"THEY" think that H will either backpaddle towards home to save his M and hard-earned money and assets, or he will move forward to a D to give OW what she wants. I have to agree with them all that OW doing what she did on 9/3 with his papers has not changed his thoughts about the VICIOUS B***H. He has put her first ever since like it doesn't even bother him. And, I know I don't know what has been said between them behind closed doors. I am only assuming that not much because he has been right up her a$$ or vice versa for the past 12 days.

S12 said that she called him non-stop all day long on Sat. 9/6 while they were supposed to be having one on one time together.
My god she is even jealous of his son!!!!!

If I go get the papers I will have to retain my attorney now. I will have 20 days to respond to the petition. I called our county, a friend there told me H has not filed his papers in the court.

On 9/3 when H and I had a conversation about this he told me if I get the papers I will have 20 days to respond and that to keep in mind he can cancel them at any time.

Should I get them?

Should I call his bluff?

I am dying to see what they look like and who notarized them.

I need to calculate my choice very carefully.

No contact with him actually speaks volumes. Remember, I told him I would not call him that it would be all up to him if he wanted to call/see either me/us. He has made contact once with us.

I have not made any approach. H is actually building a solid wall between us. I have to assume he likes things the way they are. He is doing a wonderful job of removing us from his life.

Of course, like a lot of people here, I am wondering if going dark actually gets us what we want. No contact can't be a good thing. We are becoming strangers.

I am very sad and lonely. I am feeling more like out of sight out of mind. I have to admit, I have been reading posts all weekend and there are a lot of people out there with little or no hope of a reconcilation, especially for those of us who have been at this for a very long time. I am now at 37 months. My H pays less attention to me/us as time goes by. It was a huge negative for our relationship when H removed me from my daily duties at our company. He has also not paid up one red cent in support for either S12 or me since 7/26/08. AND it's not because he doesn't have it. That is beginning to wear on me, I can't go on much longer w/o $.

I am truly torn on what is the right thing to do. Agree with my friends and get the ball rolling on the inevitable or continue to stand.

I am very sad and lonely and I don't want to divorce, I love my H. I can't have a H who has been with OW for so long and doesn't appear to be changing that sitch. I deserve to be set free if H isn't coming back. Lord knows I can't file. BUT, for all practical purposes now H has taken the first step towards a D. I called the post office the papers are still there, if H didn't want it wouldn't he go and retrieve them?

I learned yesterday, that H is going to hire someone on full time to restore antique vehicles. That means that H is going to let the company bankroll the restorations. There are a lot of vehicles, just a guess I would say 70.....AND NOT KIDDING!!!! It would keep someone full time employed for a long while.

NEXT BIG QUESTION....Why on earth would H be wanting to turn marital property into something better at this time??? What is his motive to take a jalopy and turn it into a prized valuable antique at this point in time. That's like taking $1000 in marital asset and turning it into $20,000. It isn't making any sense to me. What is H up to???

I have carried on too long now...needed to vent some for sure.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I got this DB thing down pat, but standing still is a killer. I need to see some attention from H. Thurs. is going to come fast.

Sorry for going on and on.....I appreciate you all and value your opinions. Thank you for being there for me.

Sanderika