We're never getting back together-How do you cope?

[native]

'who are you fighting for right now, D, you or W?'

I am fighting for all of us, as individuals who will be forever scarred by the dissolution of that special thing we shared together called family.

For my w who can't seem to forgive things from 5 yrs ago I can barely remember and who has no clue to healthy relationships.

For my D who will only ever have one real mom and one real dad and the need she has for security and a positive example of marriage.

For me who is suffering as I see my W determined to destroy that which is necessary for my D's well being and future.

If she spent half the energy into building this marriage ( with wisdom and insight of course) as she has into dismantling it, we would have a great marriage.

I cannot believe that she is actually citing a time period of 5 yrs. ago whe she was a sahm as the reason she cannot forgive me now.

I only have a vague memory of that time or of any specific events that occured then.

Its a hell of a thing to be carrying unforgiveness for 5 yrs towards the person you're married to.

How am I supposed to make real apologies for a time period ?

She consistently resists being specific about what I did to "make' her unhappy or unforgiveing.

And I know damn well we have had many good times since then, but apparantly by this admission she faked the good times, since she has been feeling like this since then.

On the other hand $$$ issues bother her a great deal. It doesn't matter that I made 20,000 in 5 weeks when we moved into this house 4 yrs ago, or that a made 10,000 in one week since then.

The fact that I do contract work and don't have a salaried job like her makes her uncomfortable.

But my God woman, if I didn't have a flexible work schedule who would have been able to take care of our childs needs during all this time ? I thought it worked out well, but apparantly she was not happy with the arrangement.

She has not been happy because some months we had to live on credit cards. But she knows very little about the finances because I learned long ago she reacted with extreme measures to address financial issues. So I just took care of that and left her out of it.

I think that was a mistake, but at the same time she would have put pressure on me to take a salaried entry level position a long time ago. It may have been a good thing, I don't know. Makeing a career change for me has been very difficult.


I just hate the selective memory she is using to make all her arguements now. Sometimes I really feel that being as she is, she will never change, and I am the one who is foolish for wanting this to work out.