Why do you need to see a path? The unpackaged experience. Let it happen! Sure, you can go on the trips and stuff will look just like it does in the brochures but none of the people will be smiling the same way.
The expectation is too high. After all, you paid good money for this!
Ahh, but that casual, unexpected encounter at the grocery store when everyone is off-guard. That's different, isn't it? There aren't any lines. There's just the willingness to be a social being in a social setting with no expectations. That's why the magic usually happens there.
Work is work. Everyone pigeonholes when it comes to work - some more successfully than others but it isn't a genuine experience. Unless you've suppressed your emotional life to build your professional life - like my sweet STBXW!
Everyone is hard to know. Look at our former spouses! How long was it before the true person appeared? Years.
And the male dominated stuff. Hmmm. It's funny, because I used to be in the midwest and that was such a big deal, but out here in NorCal it isn't. Except I work in an area where there is a "leaky pipe." Women outnumber men in grad school but only make up 5% of the faculty. What happened? In any case, fighting to make a place in a male-dominated profession is difficult and colors everything else, for better or worse.
Actually it's funny because I just got into a fight this weekend. The wife of a professor sent out an email complaining about a new couple. She "assumed" the man was a grad student. She said even if he was faculty, would he, or the wife when he was gone, be responsible for a community concern? I got angry and replied that I was sad to see the assumption of affiliation was focused on the man. In fact, the wife had joined our faculty and we were very pleased to have her. What happened next? Poison pen emails in return! That I was insinuating something and I should stick to the facts! Hmmm, I thought I was.
Okay, digression. I don't know much about Indian culture other than my friend - are you Indian? - so can't answer about the brainwash thing, but she's had a hard go of it. Luckily, she's able to be gentle on herself and accept that it will take years to recover.
