I do know that you're both right. Again it's the feeling displaced here I think that has gotten to me and made the M situation even worse, if that is possible. I am here 4 more weeks max, and probably more like 2.5 with some upcoming business trips. I just want my home back, and the comforts that go along with it. I'm mad at myself too because I sacrificed a lot to come here, basically put my career on the back burner etc. to make this as easy as possible on us. We're not paying anything for me to live here, and my H gets to stay in our comfortable home. Now when I get back, we won't have the money for another apartment, and I hope he doesn't expect me to try and do something like this again. I am full of anxiety about this when I get back issue. I just want to be around him for a few days and have him see that things can be fine, and yes I know that is not a goal for me.
When I get back I will have lots of things that I need to work on for myself if I have any hopes of salvaging my career! In terms of a creative outlet, I do like to cook. I think what I am missing in my life right now, leaving out the M, is stability, and I am having a hard time focusing on anything else without it if that makes sense...
Anyway I really am going to try to set even mini goals on a daily basis, just 1 thing per day that can at the very least distract me. For the moment it's mostly the gym, but I am also trying to set goals at work too, to go for longer periods where I actually work instead of getting up and going for walks etc. I just need to make it through the next month, and then it's the next chapter. I am not sure if I am doing this in the healthiest way or not, but I am trying. I am starting to realize that many of my H's feelings/actions have nothing to do with me, but I do still want to at least be around him if this makes sense. Part of me feels like I am dishonoring our vows by being here in another country, which I know is probably a weird way to look at it given the circumstances...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
In terms of a creative outlet, I do like to cook. I think what I am missing in my life right now, leaving out the M, is stability, and I am having a hard time focusing on anything else without it if that makes sense...