Hello everyone! Just wanted to update before going to bed. Today was rough day. Woke up, basement flooded again, no electricity. Went to church by myself - slipped and fell in the commons area - then found flat tire in parking lot. Then came home to psych myself for my H visit to discuss "plans" Our visit was cordial as could be when youre talking of D plans. H already consulted with lawyer. Plans to pay all fees, but our county still requires a mediator (which is how I wanted to do it anyway) H informed me I will no longer recieve his paychecks into account (we had disscussed this before , so I kind of expected), but based on preliminary paperwork printed out by his lawyer, will go ahead and pay $600/mo child support . Doesnt seem like a lot for 3 kids , but it is based on each H and W income for last 3 years (I make 51% and H is 49%) and percentage of time spent with each parent per month. Agreed on visitation every other F-Sat-Sun (when I am working) and H may come to visit kids anytime during week with my prior knowledge (but not stay night with him cuz of school) and If I need him to take them 1 night on the opposite weekend, he will. (I am trying to pick up extra shifts on occasion- or maybe I might just want a GNO!) H lawyer says no need for each of us to have separate lawyers if we agree upon everything by lawyer and mediator, but I plan to get a consultation with my own lawyer anyway. I dont feel right about him cutting off paychecks until anything is final, although financially I think I can manage for now.
Discussed my deep concern for our kids. He is beginning to see effects on them - esp D11 and S14. Told him I was easing them into T, talked with school guidance counselors, and planned to eventual family therapy . Told him he needed to be at family T with them so they can feel safe expressing their feelings toward him. He says they do talk to him, but I said "not near as much as they talk to me probably" Expressed my displeasure with OW staying with him while kids are there.I said, although they have known her for several years , it is confusing and upsetting to see her as "dad's girlfriend" instead of just a friend of the family. Told him it is not fair to them to be subjected to that, especially when they didnt even realize anything was wrong in the first place. They miss you, I said, and they can't even have you , their space, or even their own belongings to themselves when they go to stay with you. I then brought up OW's crazy H ( the one that wants to "blow his head off") and said I fear for my kids, especially when at your house ,cuz he will never go away since OW and him have children together . I will do whatever necessary to keep my kids safe.You have subjected them to not only much hurt, but danger as well. H had little to say about this speal, but his eyes were watering.
Lastly, In regards to OW. Told H, I respect her decision to leave a verbally abusive, controling relationship. Her and her kids do not deserve that, BUT I cannot respect the fact that she would allow herself to pursue a married man - the husband of a friend. Dont know what Ive ever done to her and will never know, I said, but I cannot respect her character. H said nothing, just briefly put his head down. And with that, we wrapped it up. It was actually the most intimate conversation we've probably had in years, sadly enough.
twinhope- child C for H- I like your thinking! And maybe we could set our H up so they can cry in their beers together. By the way, anything legally binding with your situation, or just verbal agreements between you and H? Today was tough for you. Tommorow is a new day to start fresh. One day at a time (((((hugs))))).
t2l- Friends and family probably feel so "in the middle" with all this. I have no doubt they probably side with you and your children, but maybe they are afraid to cause your H to have even more resentment toward you by shunning him ? Or maybe they just feel awkward about what to say or do around you and your kids because they know you're all so hurt as it is? Sometimes I feel so angry when I go to the ballgames even though everyone knows about A, they still talk and act like nothing is even going on when they are around H. Sometimes I cant help but want everyone to hate him and be on my side 100%, yet our personal life has little bearing on theirs, so realisticly it's not going to work that way. I know it is hard (((((hugs)))))
hope3343- Just "throwing it out there" but did you consider H could've , maybe meant it would be OK for you to stop by? - not neccessarily "everytime" , but occasionally? Not that you would want to do that- but just saying. You know, he couldve chosen someplace MUCH further away than only a half mile! (((((hugs))))).
